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I want to find a girlfriend but I don't know how

Cary Grant

Hi

I was wondering how people go about getting a girlfriend?  I have AS but I have managed to take on the persona of Cary Grant.  And I have perfected it to the point where people find it hard to believe I have Aspergers.  Which is a nice complement in a way, but they don’t see the pain and anxiety I go through when approaching people and speaking to them on the phone or in person.

I have tried going on Datingdirect but its harder when you are Asian and have no idea of how to speak to women.  I took the drastic step of going to a prostitute and it has made me more confident and comfortable with physical affection. 

I really don’t know how I come across, people at work think I am gay because of the way I float in and able to engage people by being non-threatening but I don’t see it.  All I see is someone who is an ugly failure because he can’t find a relationship.  And I am tired of people asking me in disbelief why am I still single; someone I know said I was goodlooking but I am not sure she was joking or actually meant it.  I can’t bring myself to admit I have Asperger’s and resign myself to the fact that people with this affliction have twice as much trouble meeting someone and more often than not remain single because they give up on it.

And I wish I could give up on it too.  I asked my Doctor to increase my medication because its causing me to be unhappy, also it decimates my libido as well (which is a nice side effect).  I wish I could take a pill that completely removes my desire to be with someone and for intimacy. 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Parents

  • Scorpio is right.  There were rumours that he was Bisexual.  I think that was partly due to the fact he had a bromance with Randolph Scott.  And he didn’t want to reveal too much about his private life because he wanted to preserve the persona of Cary Grant not his real self (Archibald Leach) who was a working class boy who prefers bangers and mash to Michelin starred cuisine.

    But I am glad you said that Aspies prefer female company because I have several female friends and I was thinking ‘What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have more male friends?”

    I am just terrible with social rules and the ins and outs of dating.  Its like I am a decade behind all my peers when it comes to dating because of my Aspergers and my background.  I feel totally at a loss, I think I must make good friend material rather than boyfriend material.  I have made the mistake of confusing women being friendly with me and women being attracted to me.  (I still find it hard to believe that someone would find me attractive at all.) 

    So do you think Speeddating is a bad way to go because a relationship that takes time would be better than one that takes 3 minutes?

Reply

  • Scorpio is right.  There were rumours that he was Bisexual.  I think that was partly due to the fact he had a bromance with Randolph Scott.  And he didn’t want to reveal too much about his private life because he wanted to preserve the persona of Cary Grant not his real self (Archibald Leach) who was a working class boy who prefers bangers and mash to Michelin starred cuisine.

    But I am glad you said that Aspies prefer female company because I have several female friends and I was thinking ‘What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have more male friends?”

    I am just terrible with social rules and the ins and outs of dating.  Its like I am a decade behind all my peers when it comes to dating because of my Aspergers and my background.  I feel totally at a loss, I think I must make good friend material rather than boyfriend material.  I have made the mistake of confusing women being friendly with me and women being attracted to me.  (I still find it hard to believe that someone would find me attractive at all.) 

    So do you think Speeddating is a bad way to go because a relationship that takes time would be better than one that takes 3 minutes?

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