Loneliness

Dear Rosie, I'm sorry you are struggling. I can relate to feeling lonely and I am currently also feeling quite lonely and isolated. I find that the more exhausted and overwhelmed I am, the less capable I feel of socialising and meeting friends. I usually let myself withdraw  however I have noticed that when I withdraw a lot, I can fall into a state of lethargy and deeper depression and I feel less able to interact with anyone at all. The few times that I then did see friends (not for too long- just for a coffee or walk) it was actually very invigorating and positive. It's so hard to dose it right- too much social interactions and especially the wrong type of social interactions (ie ones that require masking, that are overwhelming or stressful) is not good but complete withdrawal can also backfire. And I can understand that the longer you withdraw the harder it gets to get back into it and to get unstuck. I've realised now that I do benefit from seeing friends (especially if these are people I feel comfortable with) even if it is a hurdle and stressful to get myself to do it and go- I am lucky that I have a few contacts that I can rely on. 

Is there anyone you could message? Or phone? Or if it feels overwhelming, you could try ringing a helpline like Samaritans? I have rung Samaritans before when very distressed but also when feeling very lonely. There is something comforting in the anonymity of it, so it takes the pressure off the social interaction. I don't know if any of this is helpful to you. It's so hard. Sending you lots of strength!! 

I can relate to that way of wording : ‘it’s so hard to dose it right’ - exactly. 
I find social interaction stressful but part of me does enjoy contact with other people and it can cheer me up and ‘take me out of myself’ - which is good for my mental health. But it’s a fine line. I feel very tired after any social interaction and need rest and quiet time to recover. I don’t really like friendships in some ways as I often don’t want to see people and I worry about offending people if I don’t want to see them. For example I can’t bear people visiting my house. 
My son - partly due to having selective mutism in educational settings - has never really had friends as such - and he is so sad about this. He has severe social anxiety and it’s so difficult for him (which is why he had dropped out of college for many months now. He wants friends, he wants a girlfriend - it’s not that he doesn’t want these things. But he just can’t talk to people - he freezes. He wants to - but he just can’t. It’s so sad and he is so depressed by it and fears he’ll never be able to form relationships with people outside the family. 
I feel there should be support for autistic people to overcome these difficulties - but it’s just not there in our experience. 
Sometimes  (when I’m not exhausted - which I usually am!) I feel like starting some sort of organisation to link autistic people with each other. It seems crazy that this can’t be done in a way that is comfortable for autistic people. There has to be a way. So many of us are lonely and isolated and wanting to connect with people. This community (on here) is wonderful and has so much to offer in myriad ways. I have found people on here to be so friendly and caring - it’s very inspiring. I hate to think of people feeling lonely. None of us are truly alone - as autistic people we are part of a community and have solidarity with each other and can support each other. 

I can relate to that way of wording : ‘it’s so hard to dose it right’ - exactly. 
I find social interaction stressful but part of me does enjoy contact with other people and it can cheer me up and ‘take me out of myself’ - which is good for my mental health. But it’s a fine line. I feel very tired after any social interaction and need rest and quiet time to recover. I don’t really like friendships in some ways as I often don’t want to see people and I worry about offending people if I don’t want to see them. For example I can’t bear people visiting my house. 
My son - partly due to having selective mutism in educational settings - has never really had friends as such - and he is so sad about this. He has severe social anxiety and it’s so difficult for him (which is why he had dropped out of college for many months now. He wants friends, he wants a girlfriend - it’s not that he doesn’t want these things. But he just can’t talk to people - he freezes. He wants to - but he just can’t. It’s so sad and he is so depressed by it and fears he’ll never be able to form relationships with people outside the family. 
I feel there should be support for autistic people to overcome these difficulties - but it’s just not there in our experience. 
Sometimes  (when I’m not exhausted - which I usually am!) I feel like starting some sort of organisation to link autistic people with each other. It seems crazy that this can’t be done in a way that is comfortable for autistic people. There has to be a way. So many of us are lonely and isolated and wanting to connect with people. This community (on here) is wonderful and has so much to offer in myriad ways. I have found people on here to be so friendly and caring - it’s very inspiring. I hate to think of people feeling lonely. None of us are truly alone - as autistic people we are part of a community and have solidarity with each other and can support each other. 

Yep - me too.  I try to engender a system with my work by which a text is sent agreeing a time to have a call.  That gives me time to prepare and be more zen.

I’m not keen on phone calls either to be honest. I basically just like to be left in peace when I’m at home. 

Kate Kestrel said:

I can’t bear people visiting my house. 

Yep - that's a big stresser for me.  On the very rare occasions that people turn up uninvited, those people can be sure never to do it again - it turns me very odd indeed!