Loneliness

Dear Rosie.

You describe circumstances that are very familiar to me.  I was at a different stage of life when I experienced this type of profound lonliness, (much older) but my struggles were as you describe.

I found that the urgency and depth with which I wanted to connect with people was actually a chimera.  I was very, very lonely and thought that I merely needed to "man-up" and find the right people - but in my experience at least,  this was wrong.

I did find some people who I felt were perfect "friend material", but then found that once I had "secured" what I thought was a fledgling friendship, my 'normal self' would re-emerge and scare them away, or I would become immediately bored to death or frustrated in their company.  Don't get me wrong, I was so lonely that I would have tolerated any of that just to have a friend or two to hang with......but unfortunately, it was not to be....I'm too intense and unusual for most.

So, dear Rosie, it was during this bleak and exceedingly lonely period of my life that I found one of my more useful mantras = "company is company.". I stopped trying so hard to find and cultivate friendships BUT I forced myself to be out, proximate and around other humans.  Invariably, I found my life better this way.  I wasn't trying to find friends, I was forcing myself just to be in the world.  It made me feel so much better.

Sit in a cafe, on a park bench, in a library, in a bar.   Exchange normal pleasantries with people.  Greet animals that you encounter.  Take a stroll.  I wasn't trying to 'catch' friends, I was just trying to stay sane!  It worked.

Moreover, I started to have a routine amongst other humans.  No friends, but a routine amongst and within proximity of other humans.  The next thing I realised, was that I was "known" to people who realised that I was different and (from what they say - intriguing). From that, friendships have grown that are genuine and true.  It takes time, but it worked for me.

I'm still lonely.  You would never guess to look at me or if you saw me interacting with others.  I am, and always have been very content to be on my own - often, I positively crave it - but I'm still lonely.  It's weird.

So - "company is company".  Be around others.

Stay sane.

You are not alone....I'm out here somewhere, and loads of people on these pages are communicative, supportive and good.  Stick around.

Kindest regards.

Dear Rosie.

You describe circumstances that are very familiar to me.  I was at a different stage of life when I experienced this type of profound lonliness, (much older) but my struggles were as you describe.

I found that the urgency and depth with which I wanted to connect with people was actually a chimera.  I was very, very lonely and thought that I merely needed to "man-up" and find the right people - but in my experience at least,  this was wrong.

I did find some people who I felt were perfect "friend material", but then found that once I had "secured" what I thought was a fledgling friendship, my 'normal self' would re-emerge and scare them away, or I would become immediately bored to death or frustrated in their company.  Don't get me wrong, I was so lonely that I would have tolerated any of that just to have a friend or two to hang with......but unfortunately, it was not to be....I'm too intense and unusual for most.

So, dear Rosie, it was during this bleak and exceedingly lonely period of my life that I found one of my more useful mantras = "company is company.". I stopped trying so hard to find and cultivate friendships BUT I forced myself to be out, proximate and around other humans.  Invariably, I found my life better this way.  I wasn't trying to find friends, I was forcing myself just to be in the world.  It made me feel so much better.

Sit in a cafe, on a park bench, in a library, in a bar.   Exchange normal pleasantries with people.  Greet animals that you encounter.  Take a stroll.  I wasn't trying to 'catch' friends, I was just trying to stay sane!  It worked.

Moreover, I started to have a routine amongst other humans.  No friends, but a routine amongst and within proximity of other humans.  The next thing I realised, was that I was "known" to people who realised that I was different and (from what they say - intriguing). From that, friendships have grown that are genuine and true.  It takes time, but it worked for me.

I'm still lonely.  You would never guess to look at me or if you saw me interacting with others.  I am, and always have been very content to be on my own - often, I positively crave it - but I'm still lonely.  It's weird.

So - "company is company".  Be around others.

Stay sane.

You are not alone....I'm out here somewhere, and loads of people on these pages are communicative, supportive and good.  Stick around.

Kindest regards.