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Loneliness

Rosie

Hello,

I’m having a really hard time with loneliness at the moment and I really don’t know what to do. I’m at university but because I don’t socialise, I don’t have any real friends. I am working on trying to socialise but the longer I’m alone, the harder it is to talk to people.

For example, I haven’t had any human contact today and when one of my housemates finally came home, although I was eagerly waiting for someone to come home all day just so I could see someone, by the time she arrived I was too nervous and exhausted from feeling lonely that I just sat in my room listening to her rustling around.

It’s been like this for months now and it’s gradually getting worse and worse. I really have a hard time socialising. Its hard because socialising terrifies me but I want to make friends so badly. Right now I struggle to even reply to people on message. I even attended my local NAS group but just sat there in terrified silence! 

I think it’s because of the loneliness that my autistic inertia has become particularly bad in the last few weeks. I struggle to do the tiniest of tasks- it takes hours to even have a shower. 

it feels like I’m in stuck in a loop here, has anyone had anything similar and how did you get out of it?

Parents

  • Hi - I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, so many autistic people have this experience. My youngest has severe social anxiety and Selective Mutism and has actually dropped out of college mainly because of this - so I know how difficult it is and how awful it can feel. When I was a Uni I often felt lonely too and struggled to feel part of things. 
    Is there a communal room in your housing? Is it possible if you spend more time in the communal areas that you might feel confident enough to talk to people just a little bit?

    my eldest is also autistic and struggled to make friends - what helped him was joining an RPG society that had a lot of neurodiverse people - and he found it easier to make friends in that group (although it still took quite a while). Through that society he made really good friends who he’s still close to 4 years later, He still gets anxious about any social event but these friendships have really stayed solid and mean so much to him. 
    My youngest has no friends at all (apart from family) and he really wants to have friends. I’m hoping that volunteering might be a good route for him - but at the moment he can’t face any pressure in that way, He’s got every quality anyone could want in a friend (he’s kind, funny, intelligent, is a wonderful person to be around and talk to) but he just can’t (at the moment) get over his social anxiety. He has therapy but it doesn’t seem to help with this. 
    Ultimately I feel it’s just like other ‘phobias’ - I think that only very gradual, gentle exposure will help. 
    I wish you luck - I’m sure it won’t be like this forever! 

Reply

  • Hi - I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, so many autistic people have this experience. My youngest has severe social anxiety and Selective Mutism and has actually dropped out of college mainly because of this - so I know how difficult it is and how awful it can feel. When I was a Uni I often felt lonely too and struggled to feel part of things. 
    Is there a communal room in your housing? Is it possible if you spend more time in the communal areas that you might feel confident enough to talk to people just a little bit?

    my eldest is also autistic and struggled to make friends - what helped him was joining an RPG society that had a lot of neurodiverse people - and he found it easier to make friends in that group (although it still took quite a while). Through that society he made really good friends who he’s still close to 4 years later, He still gets anxious about any social event but these friendships have really stayed solid and mean so much to him. 
    My youngest has no friends at all (apart from family) and he really wants to have friends. I’m hoping that volunteering might be a good route for him - but at the moment he can’t face any pressure in that way, He’s got every quality anyone could want in a friend (he’s kind, funny, intelligent, is a wonderful person to be around and talk to) but he just can’t (at the moment) get over his social anxiety. He has therapy but it doesn’t seem to help with this. 
    Ultimately I feel it’s just like other ‘phobias’ - I think that only very gradual, gentle exposure will help. 
    I wish you luck - I’m sure it won’t be like this forever! 

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