Published on 12, July, 2020
I honestly want to be dead, I think it would be easier. I cant cope with the pain of life anymore. Its too confusing and stressful, Im not made for this world
I cant cope with having to go to the job centre every week, trying to find a job, worrying about money, dealing with my sons autism and his constant hitting, screaming and demands of me as well as my own autism. I cant cope with my wifes messiness meaning the house is a constant sensory overload. I cant cope with the fear of the neighbours hearing my meltdowns and calling the police. Just smashed up a washing basket with my bare hands in a meltdown and now my hands are bleeding. Dont want to live anymore
Dude - nightmare !
Sorry that I hadn't spotted this one......it has been a really busy week or so for me.
Having just replied to one of your more recent posts about inertia - I assume that you have regained your poise. I'm pleased.
So, rather than try to soothe and big-you-back-up, I'll tell you something vaguely related to "Want to be dead" that might entertain?
Two days ago, I didn't want to be dead - but I gave it a really good go anyway !!
With a cheap steel chisel in my left hand, and a club hammer in my right hand, I severed a live 100 Amp electrical cable that was about 8 inches away from my face. The result was a 2m diameter fireball (plasma actually), with my face at the epicentre. My eye brows are now at 50% occupancy on my face and my eye lashes are at 20% of their original length! I have a very unpleasant smell of burnt hair most of the time and I await a bill of circa £2k from UK Power Networks who came to dig the road in order to do the repair. The cable was routed diagonally, was not where it should have been, was not marked and nor was it armoured - I completely severed it. B O O M !! Wise choice of PPE seems to have saved me (for the majority)......and for those with a faith, I believe that the Big Guy upstairs had a protective hand ready for me - no idea why, as always!
Ain't life funny !? I have subsequently watched a few youtube videos about "Arc Flash" - which is what I created - and it seems like I am a VERY lucky human.
Count your blessings everyone - we never know when the candle will get blown out - whether you want it or not.