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Want to be dead

Billy87
over 2 years ago

I honestly want to be dead, I think it would be easier. I cant cope with the pain of life anymore. Its too confusing and stressful, Im not made for this world

I cant cope with having to go to the job centre every week, trying to find a job, worrying about money, dealing with my sons autism and his constant hitting, screaming and demands of me as well as my own autism. I cant cope with my wifes messiness meaning the house is a constant sensory overload. I cant cope with the fear of the neighbours hearing my meltdowns and calling the police. Just smashed up a washing basket with my bare hands in a meltdown and now my hands are bleeding. Dont want to live anymore 

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    It makes me feel less alone to read this.  Thank you.  It helps me to know that my perception is the problem and that this feeling of being overwhelmed will pass.  I live alone and when I feel under pressure I believe that I would be better if something in my circumstances would change. But maybe the answer is to let this emotional weather storm pass away in its own time, not mine. I’ve been here before.  It passed.  Maybe this feeling might also pass.  Who knows?  In the heat of the experience the fearful attribute is the seeming inability to know the most important truth:  this, too, shall pass.   
    Am I alone now?  Four days ago I liked this situation.  But tomorrow I have to do difficult  challenging work at my job and I’m threatened because if that fails my Catastrophic thinking tells me that my job fails, then my mortgage fails, then nowhere to live, out on the street.  Then Why not get it over with?  It’s hyperfocus on ‘that which does not exist’.

    Catastrophic thinking is part of my disordered thinking. I can’t fight it.  I have to surrender to it.  Instead of grappling with this mind, these emotions, I need to let them be and live their brief lives out until they pass away in their alotted lifespan.  

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    It makes me feel less alone to read this.  Thank you.  It helps me to know that my perception is the problem and that this feeling of being overwhelmed will pass.  I live alone and when I feel under pressure I believe that I would be better if something in my circumstances would change. But maybe the answer is to let this emotional weather storm pass away in its own time, not mine. I’ve been here before.  It passed.  Maybe this feeling might also pass.  Who knows?  In the heat of the experience the fearful attribute is the seeming inability to know the most important truth:  this, too, shall pass.   
    Am I alone now?  Four days ago I liked this situation.  But tomorrow I have to do difficult  challenging work at my job and I’m threatened because if that fails my Catastrophic thinking tells me that my job fails, then my mortgage fails, then nowhere to live, out on the street.  Then Why not get it over with?  It’s hyperfocus on ‘that which does not exist’.

    Catastrophic thinking is part of my disordered thinking. I can’t fight it.  I have to surrender to it.  Instead of grappling with this mind, these emotions, I need to let them be and live their brief lives out until they pass away in their alotted lifespan.  

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