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Newly Diagnosed - Is My Life A Lie?

Colin

Hello, everyone, 

My name is Colin and I've just been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). 

Firstly, I would like to give warm thanks to fellow forum member Jamie for advising me on the assessment and helping me

to get the ball rolling.

I was assessed by Sara Heath of Shropshire Autonomy and then diagnosed by Dr Pravin Thevathasan. I live in Oxford, but,

for understandable reasons, the local mental health services have been either unable or unwilling to provide me with the 

correct support for mental health problems going back to very early childhood.

So, what do I do with this information? These two professionals having given me a great amount of detail in terms of my

diagnosis and the reasons for it. But I feel shell-shocked and the realisation is hitting me that several years of my life have 

been wasted trying to fit into a uniform that will never fit me. 

I should be relieved that I am as close to my personal truth as I will ever get, but it feels like a type of bereavement. A therapist

once told me that most of us have a "shadow" self: a projection of our dark impulses, our need to avenge life's wrongs and a

need to seek personal justice. I think he sensed something about me that was more than just depression and anxiety. 

Is there anywhere I can turn to to get advice on how to rebuild my life and personality in a way that will finally make sense? I 

now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

Thanks for any advice,

Colin

Parents

  • It will take time for you to process your diagnosis. Expect a rollercoaster of emotions along the way. There is a useful article about common post diagnostic reactions here https://aucademy.co.uk/2022/01/20/six-common-reactions-during-autistic-discovery/

    Anger is quite a common reaction. You will understandably feel angry at why none of these mental health services have picked it up in the past. It is also common to feel a sense of loss for those wasted years, you will start to reprocess past events through an autistic lens and think how differently things could have been if you'd known and had support.

    Gradually you will begin to understand how you may have been masking in order to try and fit in. Then you can begin to start to reveal your authentic autistic self.

    I have been on my journey of autistic self discovery for several years. It is two years since I received my formal diagnosis.

    Colin said:

    I 

    now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

    This is similar to how I was when I received my diagnosis. I thought finally I understand what has been causing this lifelong fear and anxiety and can now begin to deal with it. However it doesn't just magically go away. Much of the anxiety is a deep ingrained response developed at an early age. I have begun to understand more the sensory and other triggers for my anxiety but it is still there. 

    You may be offered some limited post diagnostic support, as part of your diagnosis. Apart from that there isn't anything unless you're able to pay privately for specialist support.

    I've found that right here is one of the best places for supporting and understanding, from people who know what it is like to be autistic.

Reply

  • It will take time for you to process your diagnosis. Expect a rollercoaster of emotions along the way. There is a useful article about common post diagnostic reactions here https://aucademy.co.uk/2022/01/20/six-common-reactions-during-autistic-discovery/

    Anger is quite a common reaction. You will understandably feel angry at why none of these mental health services have picked it up in the past. It is also common to feel a sense of loss for those wasted years, you will start to reprocess past events through an autistic lens and think how differently things could have been if you'd known and had support.

    Gradually you will begin to understand how you may have been masking in order to try and fit in. Then you can begin to start to reveal your authentic autistic self.

    I have been on my journey of autistic self discovery for several years. It is two years since I received my formal diagnosis.

    Colin said:

    I 

    now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

    This is similar to how I was when I received my diagnosis. I thought finally I understand what has been causing this lifelong fear and anxiety and can now begin to deal with it. However it doesn't just magically go away. Much of the anxiety is a deep ingrained response developed at an early age. I have begun to understand more the sensory and other triggers for my anxiety but it is still there. 

    You may be offered some limited post diagnostic support, as part of your diagnosis. Apart from that there isn't anything unless you're able to pay privately for specialist support.

    I've found that right here is one of the best places for supporting and understanding, from people who know what it is like to be autistic.

Children
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