Newly Diagnosed - Is My Life A Lie?

Hello, everyone, 

My name is Colin and I've just been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). 

Firstly, I would like to give warm thanks to fellow forum member Jamie for advising me on the assessment and helping me

to get the ball rolling.

I was assessed by Sara Heath of Shropshire Autonomy and then diagnosed by Dr Pravin Thevathasan. I live in Oxford, but,

for understandable reasons, the local mental health services have been either unable or unwilling to provide me with the 

correct support for mental health problems going back to very early childhood.

So, what do I do with this information? These two professionals having given me a great amount of detail in terms of my

diagnosis and the reasons for it. But I feel shell-shocked and the realisation is hitting me that several years of my life have 

been wasted trying to fit into a uniform that will never fit me. 

I should be relieved that I am as close to my personal truth as I will ever get, but it feels like a type of bereavement. A therapist

once told me that most of us have a "shadow" self: a projection of our dark impulses, our need to avenge life's wrongs and a

need to seek personal justice. I think he sensed something about me that was more than just depression and anxiety. 

Is there anywhere I can turn to to get advice on how to rebuild my life and personality in a way that will finally make sense? I 

now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

Thanks for any advice,

Colin

Parents
  • Hi colin. can completely understand where you're coming from. I'm currently only pre assessed as autistic, not had full confirmation. I know what you mean about feeling you've wasted your life, I think that's a normal feeling, certainly for me anyway. sorry for the cliche...life is a journey, maybe you are one step closer to finding the real you, everything in the past has led to this point. I imaginge its quite common to feel like your life is a lie, everything you thought about yourself has maybe shifted 180, it will take some time to get used to. As for help as others have said read plenty on here, youtube is a great source of info. regarding the help available I haven't been through it yet but I am bracing myself to feel exactly like you if I do get a diagnosis...seems like the official help is thin on the ground. good job there are places like this. good luck

Reply
  • Hi colin. can completely understand where you're coming from. I'm currently only pre assessed as autistic, not had full confirmation. I know what you mean about feeling you've wasted your life, I think that's a normal feeling, certainly for me anyway. sorry for the cliche...life is a journey, maybe you are one step closer to finding the real you, everything in the past has led to this point. I imaginge its quite common to feel like your life is a lie, everything you thought about yourself has maybe shifted 180, it will take some time to get used to. As for help as others have said read plenty on here, youtube is a great source of info. regarding the help available I haven't been through it yet but I am bracing myself to feel exactly like you if I do get a diagnosis...seems like the official help is thin on the ground. good job there are places like this. good luck

Children
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