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Newly Diagnosed - Is My Life A Lie?

Colin

Hello, everyone, 

My name is Colin and I've just been diagnosed with Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). 

Firstly, I would like to give warm thanks to fellow forum member Jamie for advising me on the assessment and helping me

to get the ball rolling.

I was assessed by Sara Heath of Shropshire Autonomy and then diagnosed by Dr Pravin Thevathasan. I live in Oxford, but,

for understandable reasons, the local mental health services have been either unable or unwilling to provide me with the 

correct support for mental health problems going back to very early childhood.

So, what do I do with this information? These two professionals having given me a great amount of detail in terms of my

diagnosis and the reasons for it. But I feel shell-shocked and the realisation is hitting me that several years of my life have 

been wasted trying to fit into a uniform that will never fit me. 

I should be relieved that I am as close to my personal truth as I will ever get, but it feels like a type of bereavement. A therapist

once told me that most of us have a "shadow" self: a projection of our dark impulses, our need to avenge life's wrongs and a

need to seek personal justice. I think he sensed something about me that was more than just depression and anxiety. 

Is there anywhere I can turn to to get advice on how to rebuild my life and personality in a way that will finally make sense? I 

now see the world clearly and need to shed the fear and anxiety that has ruled my life so far.

Thanks for any advice,

Colin

Parents

  • I think these are normal reactions.  Certainly they are similar to what I experienced when I was diagnosed in March 2021.  I think I am still adjusting to the realisation that I was trying to fit a a very square peg (me) into a round hole (neurotypical society) for so many years.  I don't think that means I lived a lie, though.  I was doing the best I could on the basis of the best information I had at the time.

    As for advice and support post-diagnosis, I'll tell you if I find any!  Sadly, there seems to be little support after diagnosis for adult autistics, and what there is (on the NHS) has huge waiting lists.  We're really just left to process things on our own.

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  • I think these are normal reactions.  Certainly they are similar to what I experienced when I was diagnosed in March 2021.  I think I am still adjusting to the realisation that I was trying to fit a a very square peg (me) into a round hole (neurotypical society) for so many years.  I don't think that means I lived a lie, though.  I was doing the best I could on the basis of the best information I had at the time.

    As for advice and support post-diagnosis, I'll tell you if I find any!  Sadly, there seems to be little support after diagnosis for adult autistics, and what there is (on the NHS) has huge waiting lists.  We're really just left to process things on our own.

Children
  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    Thanks for your kind words. It makes sense about trying to do your best in the world you live in.

    I have a lot to be grateful for, like a good job, some interesting hobbies, and reasonable physical health, but I'm not sure if there is much the NHS services can do for me at this point in my life.

    I didn't think I would react like this to the diagnosis.

    Thanks, Colin.