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(Safegaurding) Religious Misleading my ASD Partner

737maxpilot

Hey guys,

My partner arrived in London for uni three years ago, having arrived a year before her, I helped her adapt to the UK like she was my younger sister. Having gotten known her better, she suffers from ASD and struggles to make friends/make long friendships last. I spent alot of time understanding her, until one day I realised she had developed feelings for me. 

Some clear symptoms are: not understanding humour at all, flapping arms when excited, extremely intelligent, but struggles to understand emotions and subtext. 

She had never felt romantic attraction to anyone before and she consulted a church minister (which was the only person other than me that she felt comfortable to talk to about personal issues). The church minister had many reasons to mislead her, (which are all speculative possibilities with reason), but nonetheless she guilt tripped her into believing that her feelings for God were not as intense as her feelings for me, and demanded her to cut off contact with me (because she was idolising me). Another ruse that was used by the church minister was that her intense feelings (crush) was a symptom of codependency (which they believed I was toxic and manipulative).

I had been patiently supporting my partner from the side so that she could explore how she wanted things. But the confusion that the church gave her made her fluctuate intensely between intense anxiety and feeling safe and attached to me.

This church minister then repeatedly shamed my partner for talking (calling and texting) me everyday, and proceeded to claim that I had manipulated her into having feelings. After an entire year of turmoil, my ASD partner was again tricked into following instructions designed to hurt me.

I then raised the issue to safegaurding, and let the investigating officer know that she was being misled. It backfired really hard, and I was labelled as delusional, imagining things, and telling me my partner was inventing stories. They ultimately they told my partner I had leaked her ASD diagnoses, in which she could not forgive me for. The church then also falsely accused me of having recieved a restraining order before (untrue), but the investigating officer did not bother to verify the claims. 

I later found out that the church minister was expecting a hefty sum of 10% of my partner's Salary as tithe (for the minister personally), and I was in the way of that happening.

Is there any way to safegaurd young ASD adults from misleading and exploitation like such?

Parents

  • Tricky.   Is this a Church of England Church…. Don’t tell me. But all Church of England Churches has safeguarding officers and a strict policy. You can find this out if you look up the diocese website.   You can find out who the area dene is and contact them asking for help with this situation. If it Roman Catholic they have a similar set up and contact. Diocese are structured different but you would find the equivalent to area dene. They are like area managers in non church terms.   Or you go straight to the Bishop and appeal for them. Churches are hot on stamping out this kind of abuse. I think some of the other forms of church will have websites and someone higher to contact. It harder in some on the free and independent churches though you could try contacting another one as they’re usually like in a business circle with each other. If this minister is at the university campus it be easier as it becomes a university safeguarding issue as they are taking advantage of her beyond their remit. Try the university safeguarding team anyway as they may help you process the case so you not fighting it alone. I hope they will help .

  • in reply to asparagus

    Wow! Thanks for your answer Asparagus! I'll definitely look into it, sadly its a free and independent church, and addressing abuse is usually going against their interest. They have a society at the uni, but supposedly the staff have nothing to do with the society, so it becomes more difficult...

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