Bad thoughts

I'm struggling with my thoughts lately. 

I do struggle mentally. I have done for a couple of years since my sister passed away. Her death was a huge shock and a massive change which I've been unable to adjust to. I started to self harm after and I still do that now, I can't stop. It's like the cutting and burning just soothes the pain I go through. My mental struggles are horrible, I've struggled with suicide and depression and have PTSD. On top of the ASD it's all so overwhelming. I'm with MH services but they don't understand my ASD at all and completely disregard it. At the start of the year they shoved me in hospital and left me there months it was horrible.

I grew up in a bad house, my sister and I got hurt all the time. Our parents weren't like most parents, I'm sure that's why I struggle so much now. It put me off people from the word go. The ASD doesn't help, I'm no good with people. I can't interact with anyone, my anxiety gets bad and I freeze up can't say anything.

Sometimes I just really want to die and other times I really want to live. My mind is a constant buzz. 

I'm here now to meet others like me, hopefully find advice and support and maybe I can help some others in the same boat.

Parents
  • I do that freeze too, when someone gets in my way and stops accidently and then notice me

    My mind is a constant buzz. 

    Oh yes, and I love it, just give it food (info to mill over) and you'll be fine, allowing it to wonder aimlessly is risky bussiness

    I did write a very childish poem about it:

    I am like a sponge

    ready to absorb it all

    only to find out later on

    that the hunger grew too

    alongside of me

    and he wants more

Reply
  • I do that freeze too, when someone gets in my way and stops accidently and then notice me

    My mind is a constant buzz. 

    Oh yes, and I love it, just give it food (info to mill over) and you'll be fine, allowing it to wonder aimlessly is risky bussiness

    I did write a very childish poem about it:

    I am like a sponge

    ready to absorb it all

    only to find out later on

    that the hunger grew too

    alongside of me

    and he wants more

Children
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