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Bad thoughts

Laura

I'm struggling with my thoughts lately. 

I do struggle mentally. I have done for a couple of years since my sister passed away. Her death was a huge shock and a massive change which I've been unable to adjust to. I started to self harm after and I still do that now, I can't stop. It's like the cutting and burning just soothes the pain I go through. My mental struggles are horrible, I've struggled with suicide and depression and have PTSD. On top of the ASD it's all so overwhelming. I'm with MH services but they don't understand my ASD at all and completely disregard it. At the start of the year they shoved me in hospital and left me there months it was horrible.

I grew up in a bad house, my sister and I got hurt all the time. Our parents weren't like most parents, I'm sure that's why I struggle so much now. It put me off people from the word go. The ASD doesn't help, I'm no good with people. I can't interact with anyone, my anxiety gets bad and I freeze up can't say anything.

Sometimes I just really want to die and other times I really want to live. My mind is a constant buzz. 

I'm here now to meet others like me, hopefully find advice and support and maybe I can help some others in the same boat.

Parents

  • i get alot of depression and sucidal thoughts, infact my depression ended up making me get a job thinking that would help, it sorta did for a while now i kinda feel the background depression that i used to ignore at home more at work now and its probably worse to cope with.

    but i generally have a mental safety net to prevent suicide in a last ditch plan... my plan is to just give everything up and buy a cheap yacht and live on the scottish sea lochs out of a yacht on whatever savings i have. that substitutes a literal suicide for a more.... quitting everything sorta social suicide... so if i do snap i would try that first before i fall to the depths of absolute no going back suicide.

    such a safety net like that needs to be blissfull and something youd look forward to, and to me thats a quiet life in a yacht on a sheltered wilderness coast where hopefully id be forever left alone with just me and nature.

Reply

  • i get alot of depression and sucidal thoughts, infact my depression ended up making me get a job thinking that would help, it sorta did for a while now i kinda feel the background depression that i used to ignore at home more at work now and its probably worse to cope with.

    but i generally have a mental safety net to prevent suicide in a last ditch plan... my plan is to just give everything up and buy a cheap yacht and live on the scottish sea lochs out of a yacht on whatever savings i have. that substitutes a literal suicide for a more.... quitting everything sorta social suicide... so if i do snap i would try that first before i fall to the depths of absolute no going back suicide.

    such a safety net like that needs to be blissfull and something youd look forward to, and to me thats a quiet life in a yacht on a sheltered wilderness coast where hopefully id be forever left alone with just me and nature.

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