Female, diagnosed at 60

Hi, it is really interesting to read everyone's experiences here. I can relate to so much of it. I am a 40-year-old female, and have recently begun to suspect that I am on the spectrum. I have suffered with mental health issues much of my life, and have always felt 'odd' or 'out of place' in social settings, especially groups. Over the years I have put this down to everything from depression/anxiety to the results of an unconventional upbringing, but the more I learn about Autism, the more it makes sense of the way I feel - and even of things I'd never really thought about. My older brother is autistic, but it affected him in quite different ways, so it never occurred to me - nor my family, I presume - that I might also be autistic.

I am currently going through a really tough patch with my mental health, and accepting that maybe I can't keep 'pretending to be normal' and pushing myself to work when it exhausts me mentally and emotionally to the point where I can't cope with my husband and children, or anything else in my life. Whether it turns out to be ASD or not, I think I need to try to get a referral and some help/answers. It would be a comfort to have some kind of 'reason why' I am the way I am, rather than feeling like I'm just not trying hard enough.

Hello, I was diagnosed in May this year age 55. I immediately felt so much relief and peace. I just feel so much better about myself. I really feel now that I can understand everything. I know I will still have same difficulties but I can deal with things better. I’m a mother and a grandmother and I feel the only way is up. Best of luck. 

Pertinent link here:

www.elder.org/.../

Thank you.  I'll take a look at that.

I think that yes, my autistic characteristics are becoming more extreme the older I get. I will also look up 'autistic regression'.  Thank you.

Where were we before the internet.

To misquote you, in real life most other humans don't have a delete button, unfortunately!

Ah, right-o.  And yes, I'm hoping things will unfold calmly and that the knowledge will be helpful.  The ripples are currently still radiating out in my own family. 

I see us more as sensitive canaries in an often hostile world, but also that understanding the nature of that sensitivity and ways in which that alters our relationship with ourselves, others and the world is potentially really helpful. 

And generally speaking, yes, others can make their own decisions.  It's just that the burden (and joy in some ways because finally there's a key!) of being the first and sharing the knowledge has unexpectedly fallen to me.  And being in the position of parent to adults who are really struggling increases my sense of responsibility, even when a person is in denial.  I still feel an immense pull to do my best for them, even without uttering "the word".  

I appreciate that others might be in a very different position, though.   All highly individual, I know, it's just that I'm discovering that some of my most personal and individual experiences now have a more familial and collective feel to them.  That's good in the sense that I'm not alone, but also complicated for the same reason.            

Would a written transcript help? If you click on the three dots below the video there is a 'show transcript' option.

I note you say nowadays, which implies that it's something you used to be able to do more easily but can no longer do. Autistic regression is something that is mainly talked about as happening during childhood but it can happen later in life too. I know there are things I used to be able to do more easily but can longer. I had attributed that to autistic burnout, which can result in regression. Another reason why much more research is needed into ageing in autistic adults.

There was a discussion on here a while ago about subtitles. It turns out that quite a lot of us, myself included, use the subtitles while watching TV and video, even though there is nothing wrong with our hearing. I think that seeing the words written on screen makes it easier for my brain to process.

I also find that I rewind and replay a lot when watching any type of TV/video content. My brain struggles to process what has been said and I sometimes need to repeat it several times before it finally goes in. Unfortunately in real life most other humans don't have a rewind button!

No need to apologise Jenny - this matter is simply a reality in my world at the moment.  You making mention of it just reinforces my thankfulness for being around in this place with people like you.

Members of my family have long since been canaries in the coal mine of ASD.  Since I've been sharing my new found understanding and identification with others - all the canaries are dropping dead due to the CLARION CALLS that keep bursting out from a couple of close family members.  We are a private family and I have confidence that matters will unfold calmly in an appropriate fashion.  But its very hard to know how, if or when to "call it" collectively !   I personally have no option in the matter - I am what I am.  Others have the burden / opportunity of making their own decisions as they see fit.

My leg continues to bounce.  Love to you Jenny.

Radio 4 was being pumped into my head for the past 25 years to keep my brain soothed and occupied.  Not so much now due to an upsettingly huge drop in quality in the last 6-8 years - and my new self-awareness of that that has all been about.

Youtube is fab due to its breadth - but 85% of the time I only listen and don't watch.  Ads can be bad for populist material, but much of the content I seek out is pretty interruption free.  I NEVER let the algorithm choose the next thing for me to watch = therein lies the path to hell !

TV - hate browsing / finding a new show or good film.  Love it when something reasonable is found with a sizeable back catalogue of seasons, then stick with it and savour in moderation.  Very rarely as a binge.

Oh, I'm so sorry!  I tend towards anxiety myself, even at the best of times, so, given how momentous my late diagnosis felt, there were bound to be some unsettling thoughts coming in in the wake of it.  

In a way my late identification does feel like a very welcome key and I don't want to underplay the importance of that.  But I also see it as kind of a depth charge both within my psyche and then also radiating out into those around me.  And those around me are neurodivergent too, but without that identification.  It's not something I talk about excessively or in any way impose on others in my family, but even just this fundamental piece of knowledge does, I think, have the power to act as a major truth bomb for them.  And I am looking back through a different lens and reinterpreting quite a lot of what happened.  Could I be re-writing my version of our family history?

More than that, though, I also feel great sorrow that, had I known what I now know much earlier on in life, some very negative events and even tragedies within my family could have been avoided or perhaps just improved. 

And I could say more but as and when I do I should probably give a warning.  And tread carefully in what could be a very sensitive area.       

I wonder whether there is something additional going on if you're the first person in a very large family to be identified late in life?  I believe it's brought many of our family patterns into sharp relief, certainly.  But does it also confer any additional responsibility towards other family members? 

Jenny Butterfly said:

certainly too late for me to avoid many negative experiences but, more importantly to me, to avoid some very sad repetitions within the next generation.

Holy crap Jenny !  Now you're pressing my anxiety buttons !!!    No ones ready for that yet in my world........the knee bouncing has begun !

Thank you everyone for your replies to this which I am finding very interesting.

Autonomist, thank you for the link to the video.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to watch it as the combination of written words and spoken words made it inaccessible to me. 

As a linked aside, I can't really watch video easily nowadays.  I haven't watched TV for over 20 years.

I much prefer to read.  Are others similar to me?

I'm nearly 60 and was diagnosed not long before my 56th birthday. 

To be honest, I think I'm still processing it, with a lot of looking back and reflecting.  Mixed feelings, I think.  I feel as though I've been given the key to really understanding so much of my life and inner experience but, at the same time, I also still feel angry that it's come so late in life - certainly too late for me to avoid many negative experiences but, more importantly to me, to avoid some very sad repetitions within the next generation.

So I kind of feel grateful and overwhelmed at the enormity of what still feels like a fairly new piece of knowledge.  But also hoping that its not too late for this to feed into greater family understanding and a more positive family identity too.    

Yes, I was 56...how does it affect me to be diagnosed? Oh boy, how many hours do you have?

But, I think you summed it up well there. Makes sense of everything. It's a sudden unveiling of why you are who you are? And that opens up a whole new window to the self.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you will find a lot of understanding here and decide to stick around.

I was diagnosed aged 50 and so much of my life finally began to make sense. Since then it has been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster, as I have reframed past experiences through an autistic lens. I expect that my journey of discovery of my autistic self will continue to evolve.

The issues facing older autistic people are largely overlooked and this needs to change. More people are being diagnosed later in life but I suspect many more will probably remain undiagnosed throughout their lives.

Earlier today I was watching a very interesting video by a late diagnosed autistic person https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHsBXh9zyL0&ab_channel=NEAutismSociety

Very interesting analysis.

It's been lovely to have met you too.

I'm definitely not female, but my masking ability is akin to the mythical heights associated with older females.  I think ASD people with extremely high competency in this trait / ability are the ones who either jump off a bridge (when no one remaining has the slightest clue why that person did that) - or eventually burn-out/melt-down (my sorry story) - or stumble on their true reality by some prior means and managed to get a diagnosis - or at least an identification.  The horror stories of mis-diagnosis and pharma interventions also litter the pathway and are well represented on these pages if you look.  I have my suspicions that a few, very lucky humans, live a perfectly happy life never knowing and/or caring.  We live in a strange reality these days - but most wonderful in many ways - especially with a new-found ASD self awareness of past and present.

It all bodes well for our future.  Pleasing.

It's been lovely to chat.....but work needs attention now.......I'm sure we will cross on other discussions if you choose to stick around.

Lovely to have met you.

That's good to know.

It's such a pity that so many people remain undiagnosed for various reasons, including the NHS not really coping but also, with regard to females, lack of recognition by contacts (and themselves) that they might be on the spectrum.

In addition to the hoi polloi of generally good natured questioning, opinion, advice and chat, I that found that this place is also perused by some very interesting wizards and witches of wisdom - extremely well read, experienced and kindly with their advice and opinions.  Fabulous!

Thank you. 

I love your last line.  It speaks volumes.

Welcome.  There are loads of late diagnosed 40s  & 50s around these pages.   It's interesting that you chose the word "calmer" as your first adjective to describe how you feel.......that has been my most pronounced tangible reaction too.  Please stick around - its so comforting to hear such familiar experiences and thoughts (and modes of thinking) that are in tune with my own.  I've never enjoyed this privilege before, of knowing I am not alone in my difference.