Need help with dating autistic man

I’m so happy you responded to my post Peter. You really have helped me to feel some sort of understanding. And it was my intuition as well but I was too afraid to believe it. Because the way he speaks to me, it’s like there’s care there but that he can’t give me something hes decided I want whether I said it or not. 

I'm really going out on a limb here but I'm guessing he thought you'd not be happy as the casual girlfriend, or at least not for long. It's not that he doesn't have feelings for you as such more likely he just thought he saw a road block in your relationship and decided to cut things short before reaching it for both your sakes. Presumably the girl he's with now is in no rush to be more than the casual girlfriend, if she's even that.

The irony is he probably likes both of you. But he won't be ambiguous about which of you he's with at one time. lol unless maybe you both went to him and said you wanted to share him.

Right makes sense. I guess I’ll just have no explanation for why he was obsessively saying he’s not ready for a serious relationship then began “seeing someone” unless he doesn’t like me. But with his bluntness I honestly would expect him to just say “because I don’t like you” lol but he just never makes it final. And I know I can always make a decision on my end but I wanted to understand him first so I know if I tried my best or was intolerant 

yep thats classic autism. You more or less just have to get used to bluntness as a way of life.

I'm just guessing here but casual girlfriend would be my guess. The kind of girl you can share your thoughts and feelings with and want for more than just sex but don't take home to meet your family. Thing is you can go from casual girlfriend to serious GF to wife (can go in the opposite direction too). So this other girl might be a f buddy or casual girlfriend but could become something more.

He also misunderstands me ALOT unless I’m very very blunt and specific in my meaning. Things that I assume he would just know what I mean- he doesn’t. He jumps to some other conclusion and it frustrates me. 

Aaaaah that makes sense. Because whenever I ask him a very specific question he answers it. But when I try to talk about possibilities or what he thinks, he starts not making sense. 

Yeah, you'll probably find him quite open to specific questions about what he want out of a relationship. Its the vague open ended ones that'll scare the hell out of him. The fact you don't have a flow diagram in your head for what you want is probably intimidating to him.

Wow! Honestly sometimes the way he speaks it felt that way. The way he said “what if we had kids in 6 years but is this possible?” And he’d ask very specific questions then suddenly go cold so on my end I was like omg were in this then he would back off. 

Thanks Peter but what I don’t understand is 1: if he said he’s not “ready for something” how is he “seeing someone” unless it’s casual. I remember him telling me “if I have a gf then I say I have a gf” so I don’t think who he’s seeing is a gf. I was too afraid to ask how serious it was so I just stopped messaging after he said that. My other question is 2: if you’re seeing someone, what’s the big deal with talking to me or “us going out together” unless you still have feelings for me? I literally just messaged him to say hi and that I still cared for him and it was difficult to not be in touch. I didn’t say hey let’s meet in bed. Also I’m confused as to what box he put me in lol 

I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't a complex flow diagram in his head with one or two paths that lead to the 2 of you ending up married, but it probably involves a lot of IFs.

Autistic people tend not to be good with ambiguity, especially in relationships. The idea of 'just seeing where things go' does not compute. So you tend to get put into a box, F buddy, casual girlfriend, serious girlfriend, fiancee etc. It seems like he's a bit pesamistic about his relationships. I doubt he gets into them wanting them to fail but worrying they will. And if he talks as if you might be a thing in the future i expect its just hard nosed pragmatism. I'm sure he did care about you but don't hold your breath on his need to define any relationship he's in in really rigid terms ever changing. The jumping to conclusions on the other hand you can do something about. But it probably involves wearing your heart on your sleeve. Preempting his conclusion jumping. Being frank not only about what you want but what you're willing to accept. Romantically, sexually, practically, the whole shebang. But that supposes his current relationship doesn't work out which is far from certain.

Thanks for replying. What I find strange is when I explicitly ask- “do you just never see us in anything serious” he can’t say it. Just gives the “not right now” or “at the moment” like he won’t explicitly say “no I can’t see myself with you” which would make it easier for me to drop it after that strong of chemistry. If that makes sense. And in the past that was pretty simple to get from a guy. 

In all honesty, autistic or not I would just forget him. He’s causing you so much stress,  it sounds like he wants the freedom of being single for the first time in his adult life to sleep around at the moment. Surely if he liked you that much he wouldn’t be giving you the run around, he’d be more interested in getting to know you?