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Advice re an oppressive comment

NAS81985

Hi all

I'm writing as I have recently spiralled into a cycle of shut downs and meltdowns and am struggling to get out as I'm confused. A key person in my support network told me that 'austic people can be difficult'. I challenged this as it felt to me like a stigmatising comment, and using a negative stereotype of autistic people. My issue was the person attempting to justify it and leaving me feeling powerless to continue challenging as by doing so it makes me seem like I am indeed being difficult. I'm also female, and this is often a negative word used against women as well. My mind is now consumed with this label - 'difficult' - and I can't stop obsessing about it. I'm left questioning if I am difficult, and my autism means I can't see it, or if I'm right and this was an oppressive comment, further bolstered by the attempts at justification, and that it's okay for me to maintain my position, or even avoid it completely until this person has had some time to reflect. It's very triggering as before I was diagnosed as an adult I spent my whole life feeling like I was wrong and difficult, and post-diagnosis have been working hard to rid myself of this internalised narrative. This has really set me back.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this, and any advice?

Many thanks

Nya

Parents

  • Hi Nya. Some folks don't get it. You can try to enlighten them. One day between us we will produce more understanding, but we can't force people.

    No, we aren't "difficult" people in that sense. I do hope you won't internalise that view of yourself. However, to be fair, just as we find it "difficult" to grasp the NT world, the NT world finds it "difficult" to understand us.

    Difference is, we spend our whole lives trying to understand. We have to  We are the minority group. They are the majority and haven't always understood they need to try too and meet us half way.

    You aren't "difficult", Nya, although the situation may well be for you and them. Education is the key. We keep educating, huh?

  • in reply to Dawn

    Wise and affirming words Dawn. Thank you. Definitely helps to hear the perspectives in here and choose to internalise that rather than slip into masking up again and driving myself into mental health problems. Thanks for taking the time. x

Reply Children
  • in reply to NAS81985

    Don’t let other people’s inaccurate assumptions make you feel bad about yourself.

    If a situation is difficult, the environment needs changing to suit your autistic neurology, you are not a ‘difficult’ person.

    Regardless of neurology, we all have different ways of coping with situations. This doesn’t mean we are difficult, it just affirms that we are human.

  • in reply to NAS81985

    Definitely. Everyone has a right to be. I think of it like two peoplele from different cultures, speaking different languages. The situation is "difficult", not the people. But if both make an effort, it can become easier, even rewarding. If only one side makes the effort, they collapse trying.