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Advice re an oppressive comment

NAS81985

Hi all

I'm writing as I have recently spiralled into a cycle of shut downs and meltdowns and am struggling to get out as I'm confused. A key person in my support network told me that 'austic people can be difficult'. I challenged this as it felt to me like a stigmatising comment, and using a negative stereotype of autistic people. My issue was the person attempting to justify it and leaving me feeling powerless to continue challenging as by doing so it makes me seem like I am indeed being difficult. I'm also female, and this is often a negative word used against women as well. My mind is now consumed with this label - 'difficult' - and I can't stop obsessing about it. I'm left questioning if I am difficult, and my autism means I can't see it, or if I'm right and this was an oppressive comment, further bolstered by the attempts at justification, and that it's okay for me to maintain my position, or even avoid it completely until this person has had some time to reflect. It's very triggering as before I was diagnosed as an adult I spent my whole life feeling like I was wrong and difficult, and post-diagnosis have been working hard to rid myself of this internalised narrative. This has really set me back.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this, and any advice?

Many thanks

Nya

Parents

  • People have told me Im difficult or over sensitive or easily upset my whole life. I know Im not, thats the thing. It can be tough for the people around me when I have meltdowns and anxiety but being autistic doesnt make me a "difficult" person. Difficult suggests that you are an unpleasant person to be around and to try and get on with and you dont sound like you are.

    Just because you react to things in a different way or see things differently from others does not make you any more difficult than they are

    Remember different does not mean difficult 

  • in reply to Billy87

    I'd actually say it's other people around me who are difficult. I'm not saying it's not always me but it works both ways. Double empathy problem....

Reply Children
  • in reply to Martin

    Thanks very much everyone. Learning I have taken from this experience is that difficult is a VERY triggering word for me. At least I know that now. The person concerned has since apologised after I put my worries in writing to them so they had time to reflect. The responses from the community here helped me get through the day. Worryingly, the response from the moderator didn't, as really that served to categorise me as the problem and with potentially challenging behaviour.  I agree that everyone can be difficult sometimes, and I really like the sentiment that different doesn't need to automatically mean difficult. Thanks again. Nya 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes, I would say that some over-confident, entitled, pushy and demanding neurotypicals can be very 'difficult' indeed.