Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently diagnosed after seeing so many therapists for poor mental health and all of a sudden it all makes sense. I’m so tired from just not being myself for so long. I just want to be myself now and I know I would start to feel slowly better but I just don’t know how to tell people or how to deal with the questions like oh your 36 and only just found out or things like oh you don’t seem like you have autism? I feel like I have masked for so long I don’t know how to unmask!
It's really hard from a lifetime of masking. Similar age. Still finding my way through 18 months after my diagnosis and a good few years of suspecting I was AS. I think it'll be work in progress for a long time if not the rest of my life. I find the first step is getting more of an understanding of what masking is for you and maybe the reasons why. I also think self acceptance is another key point. For me I've really learned this is who I am and I cannot change it nor why should I. My brain is wired differently and my communication is different altho most people would think I'm neurotypical. I find learning about double empathy has been a big help in taking the pressure off. I've learned a lot from talking therapies but found a really good person who "got it". It gave me the tools but I'm still putting it into practise.
Also there are times I'll still mask and that's okay.