• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 632 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Marriage relationship

Dagey

Hello, I am a 62 year old diagnosed with aspergers. My wife and I are going througha very rough patch. She suffers from Depression, Personality disorder, anxiety as well as physical problems, morbidly obese, arthritis. I have a great difficulty communicationg with her and I also have great diufficulty motivating myself to do anything! She says that she makes all the plans and decisions in the house (which is true). She wants me to step up and take some of the burden from her (as it makes her worse.). She says I am lazy in not trying to change and help. I see what she means but I seem to be unable to put anything into practise for any length of time, as it seems to disappear from my head. How can I keep up a sustained effort? I've tried notebooks, lists but they all fade in the end. She is talking of divorce now, I need someone to talk it over with. So I can come up with a sustainable strategy.

Parents

  • She’s lived with you this long, she should know what you can and can’t do by now, regardless of her problems. Asking you to change and saying that you are lazy is a problem.  Maybe it’s out of frustration, but ultimately it’s not good.

    What things does she want you to plan or decide on? If it’s simple things like meals, make a meal schedule with things you like to eat, and rotate it. Have it visible and build a habit to look at it regularly. 
    Everything is about lists or timetables. Schedule in one thing a day that absolutely needs doing, and do it. Build in other small tasks that need to be done, and add one to each day. If you feel you can manage things, add something else, but alongside that, ensure you build in one thing a day for you. Whether it’s spending time doing a hobby, or going for a walk, whatever. 

    Get your wife to list the things she’s like you help with. Have a look and see what you are comfortable doing, and if there’s anything you don’t think you can do, have a chat about it together. Some help is better than no help.

Reply

  • She’s lived with you this long, she should know what you can and can’t do by now, regardless of her problems. Asking you to change and saying that you are lazy is a problem.  Maybe it’s out of frustration, but ultimately it’s not good.

    What things does she want you to plan or decide on? If it’s simple things like meals, make a meal schedule with things you like to eat, and rotate it. Have it visible and build a habit to look at it regularly. 
    Everything is about lists or timetables. Schedule in one thing a day that absolutely needs doing, and do it. Build in other small tasks that need to be done, and add one to each day. If you feel you can manage things, add something else, but alongside that, ensure you build in one thing a day for you. Whether it’s spending time doing a hobby, or going for a walk, whatever. 

    Get your wife to list the things she’s like you help with. Have a look and see what you are comfortable doing, and if there’s anything you don’t think you can do, have a chat about it together. Some help is better than no help.

Children
No Data