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Disclosing autism at work

NAS81850

I told my team colleagues on the team Teams call this Tuesday that I found out Friday before that I am on the spectrum. I felt I had to, to not keep that to myself and to hopefully get my colleagues talking about it and get some feedback on how 'oh yes it makes sense now I have always thought that etc.'. But when I said it to my team, it felt like it fell flat and even at my 1:1 with my line manager this thursday gone, it wasn't brought up. I said I didn't need any adjustments because I didn't want it to be a fuss. 

I feel a superposition of: stupid for having told everyone, embarrassment at what they think of me, and righteous for having told them considering it took courage to say it. I have felt upset since Tuesday, and haven't had the courage to raise that I have been upset with my colleagues, because I already think I gave them a burdensome piece of information without reminding them of it. It made for emotional pain and self hatred for the rest of the week and now it is weekend I'm able to look back and feel calmer about it. I feel my trust having been broken however and I won't be bringing it up again with my colleagues, unless they approach me about it. Thing is; I don't even know the truth about it, so the truth could be something which makes me silly for having felt this, but the lack of specific communication received has left my mind wandering.

Should I have received more engagement about it from my manager and colleagues, even so much as a well done for letting everyone know? 

Has anyone else experienced declaration of being on the spectrum fall flat because nobody seems to know how to respond to it?

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thanks a lot for your reply. It's reassuring. I have nice colleagues in my team just to put it on the table, I think they may just be biding their time to research or something. I think since even the person in my team most capable of ice-breaking found themselves frozen, nobody else dared utter a word. It became up to me to usher the topic on and how gladly they took the offer. 

    I've heard the 'we're all on the spectrum' thing from a friend. I was struggling mentally with the ambiguity of my diagnosis procedure at the time, and this sense of 'what does it matter anyway, we're all on the spectrum to a degree' didn't sink in too well, since it undervalues the whole thing of getting seen to. 

  • My selective 'coming out' declarations to people have resulted in;

    80% = completely fall flat.  Nothing said.  Everyone looks at their shoes and moves on as swiftly as possible.

    19% = "we're all on the spectrum / "I would never have guessed" / "wow - that's weird" .......moves on as swiftly as possible.

    1% = Some form of active engagement, more often than not many days or a few weeks later.  Half positive, half negative.

    Some people seem to have abandoned me completely - aka a hard swipe left - and some of those people have been important in my life for 30+ years.  This has cut me to the quick.  

    In the words of that famous entertainer, philosopher and philanthropist - "It ain't easy, being green."

    "I am what I am, and you can't change me." - Ben's Brother.