I don't want to go back to work

I left my teaching job before the summer holidays due to autistic burnout and a complete and utter mental breakdown

I dont want to sit around doing nothing for ever and I want to do some work ( I need to to pay the bills and help my family as well, at least till I know what will happen with my UC and PIP) 

Im the sort of person that needs to be busy. I go into my head when Im sitting around doing nothing and start having paranoid imaginings and all sorts of mental health issues

I do freelance writing but Im not getting enough work at it to keep me busy and pay the bills so I signed up for a couple of teaching agencies thinking if I just do a couple of days a week in a school then I can cope with it. 

Heres the thing though, now its come down to it and its real I dont want to do it. I dont know if I can do it. Im remembering all the awful experiences I have had working in schools and how ill I was before the summer. I am still struggling a lot but feel I have improved a lot and slowly started to put myself back together since then and this could send me all crashing down again. Just thinking about the pressure and sensory overload of being back in a school I want to curl up on the floor again which is what I used to do every evening when I was at work. My wife would have to physically drag me off the floor to get to bed. 

Yet there is another part of me that wants to put on a tweed blazer and try and inspire kids and get teaching again. So confusing!

I wonder if theres something else I could do part time, maybe work in a bookshop or for a charity a couple of afternoons a week.

Maybe theres even something at universities? Or with animals. I dont know

Anyway anyone who has any similar experiences or been through similar stuff or has any advice would be really helpful