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Diagnosed yesterday….

Hellbell

How did you feel after receiving your confirmation of Autism?

I’m confused and feeling all jumbled up. I knew I was but the confirmation was affirmation for me and to here they agreed that my autism was layered by years of trauma and that mental health worker who insisted it was just trauma (and dumped me unceremoniously when I challenged him) caused me more. Thus I feel justified, seen and heard.

I was relieved but today I woke feeling unsettled as for me it’s a huge thing after 63 yrs of feeling like an alien on this mysterious planet. My enabler was stoked for me as she drove me to the last stage ADOS assessment and was told on the spot but reactions from others has been bland. I don’t know what I expected but having some sort of acknowledgement hasn’t arrived. Is this wrong? Or is this a standard way people react when you disclose what I see as a momentous life altering diagnosis? I don’t usually expect anything from anyone but this is an important factor that explains my behaviour, there’s a reason, there’s an explanation. For once I expected something, anything.

It’s early days but I’m trying not to freak out I should be use to this scenario but it’s the most important thing to ever happen to me but the family hasn’t called, talked to me about how I am, what does it mean…on and on….

it looks selfish when I see it in print but how did you handle it? Did you experience the same thoughts? Meet with same responses? Or non responses.

hellbellNerd

  • I cried. I didn’t want to see it, but I did at the same time. I mean, I knew I was autistic 3 years prior, but it was the confirmation I needed.

    Close family knew, so listened to any details I shared. Only my son was surprised by it. I think he thought it was all in my head, and stuff that I could ‘work on’, but he’s fine with it now.

    I waited 2 months before I told a manager. I was bursting at this point. I wanted to tell everyone. I was still upset inside, you know, because of the life I’ve had to endure etc, but I was happy, and proud.

    Other people at work, of the few I told, don’t seem interested. One person just listened, one wanted an explanation of autism,  because she didn’t know anyone with it. A third, looked apologetic,  yet did sort of get it when I mentioned a little. 
    So many I haven’t told. They don’t need to know. I really don’t care anymore. I feel so much more whole, and that’s the main thing. 

  • Welcome.  I think you will find it confusing but will begin to settle into your new 'normal' as you realise how the things you were confused about make more sense in the reality of your diagnosis.

  • Knowledge is power, so you are now undeniably more powerful.  Congratulations !

    Please do keep posting - I, for one, am very interested to know how your world and feelings evolve and especially how people react to your news.  Sorry to sound nosey, but I hope your experience at this momentous time can help prepare me and others who will be following in your footsteps soon.

    Sincere thanks for sharing.

  • "Confused and jumbled up" was how I felt for quite some time afterwards!  As for your family, perhaps they don't know what to say or don't understand the significance or maybe they don't want to overwhelm you.

  • I got my final meeting yesterday and was told I am autistic I think it was more a relief for my wife than me as being older and well not sure what it will actually change I am 57

  • Congratulations on your diagnosis.

    It is two years since I received my diagnosis aged 50. My initial reaction was relief. Finally I realised that everything that had happened in my life so far wasn't my fault. I had blamed myself and felt a failure for so long, for not being able to do things others seemed to find so easy, not having friends or relationships and having to give up my career at an early age.

    What I wasn't expecting was the rollercoaster of emotions I subsequently experienced and I'm probably still not off that rollercoaster even now. 

    The initial relief and elation turned into anger, mainly directed at the services who had failed to pick up my autism in the past, even though all the signs were very clearly there. I started going over past events and ruminating about how different my life could have turned out if I'd been diagnosed earlier, known why I was different and been able to get the support I needed.

    At my post diagnostic support session they said it is quite common to react that way.

    It is very early days. It's completely up to you but I wonder if it may be better to hold off telling people a little. It is putting more pressure on you, trying to process their responses, when you haven't yet had time to process the diagnosis yourself.