Diagnosed yesterday….

How did you feel after receiving your confirmation of Autism?

I’m confused and feeling all jumbled up. I knew I was but the confirmation was affirmation for me and to here they agreed that my autism was layered by years of trauma and that mental health worker who insisted it was just trauma (and dumped me unceremoniously when I challenged him) caused me more. Thus I feel justified, seen and heard.

I was relieved but today I woke feeling unsettled as for me it’s a huge thing after 63 yrs of feeling like an alien on this mysterious planet. My enabler was stoked for me as she drove me to the last stage ADOS assessment and was told on the spot but reactions from others has been bland. I don’t know what I expected but having some sort of acknowledgement hasn’t arrived. Is this wrong? Or is this a standard way people react when you disclose what I see as a momentous life altering diagnosis? I don’t usually expect anything from anyone but this is an important factor that explains my behaviour, there’s a reason, there’s an explanation. For once I expected something, anything.

It’s early days but I’m trying not to freak out I should be use to this scenario but it’s the most important thing to ever happen to me but the family hasn’t called, talked to me about how I am, what does it mean…on and on….

it looks selfish when I see it in print but how did you handle it? Did you experience the same thoughts? Meet with same responses? Or non responses.

hellbellNerd

Parents
  • Hi Hellbell,

    I was diagnosed on Friday so I'm pretty new here.  I expected to feel validated and happy - but I didn't.  I was kinda numb for a while, then quickly quite sad for my younger self (I'm 45) who was failed so many times.  Today for the first time, I'm starting to feel more at home with it - all that it explains and I'm liking not having to feel wrong, failing, odd, etc etc.   This group helps.   Welcome!  

Reply
  • Hi Hellbell,

    I was diagnosed on Friday so I'm pretty new here.  I expected to feel validated and happy - but I didn't.  I was kinda numb for a while, then quickly quite sad for my younger self (I'm 45) who was failed so many times.  Today for the first time, I'm starting to feel more at home with it - all that it explains and I'm liking not having to feel wrong, failing, odd, etc etc.   This group helps.   Welcome!  

Children
  • I found diagnosis led to an emotional rollercoaster that I'm still not fully off, two years down the line (I was thirty-seven when diagnosed). I also feel sad for my younger self. It takes time to come to terms with that. I still mourn missing so much of my twenties and thirties when I was burnt out and depressed. I'm trying to accept that there's nothing I can do about that now and move on, but it's hard.

  • I totally get this. I think I've been grieving a loss of some sort which is very strange

  • I'm also 45 and recently diagnosed.  It's a lot, and I had lot of complicated emotions about it even though I thought I was prepared for that outcome.  Just be gentle with yourself for a bit. 

    Do you remember those old computers that had to load up games with a cassette tape?  Or how a picture would download on dial up Internet, one line at at a time?  Our brains can be like old, slow computers that need more time to update and process things, especially when it comes to feelings.  Keep moving forward, it does get better.  And then worse, but then better again. ;)