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Disclosing to a friend…they tell me I'm wrong

NAS80371

Hi,

First, hi! I was diagnosed in Octobe 2021. I've always struggled with many aspects of life, but blamed myself. My son was diagnosed many years ago, and he is so like me, that I figured that explained a lot for me. My relationship with him (he's an adult now) led me to seek a diagnosis. I'm late middle-aged.

My best friend of 25 years…I told him about my diagnosis, I wanted to have someone I could talk to about all the ways I mask, my lived experience of life. I think I was naive. He just shut me down and told me I wasn't autistic. Not really. He _knows_ about autism, he works with _real_ autistic kids.

Again, naively, I feel very hurt by this. But maybe he's right (I have terrible imposter syndrome about my diagnosis, so many years…what is a mask and what is me?)

I guess I'm sharing in case many/any of you have had this experience. Did you persist and work on your friend, was that worthwhile? Did you lose the friend? I don't have many friends. Maybe this guy is the main one. Or was. Seems worth working for, but I also feel like I shouldn't have to dance to prove my own lived experience…

Many thanks if you took the time to read this

Cheers

Parents

  • I had a smilliar experience and felt hurt as well. In a way it was expected becuase I feel as though I  have lied/masked by entire life so I felt like an imposter. But they only know what they have seen and its a shame people feel as though they can tell you what you are and what you aren't.

    We know what's going on in our heads and how we feel and I think the longer you have had your diagnosis the more you will come to terms with it and not feel like an imposter.

    As hurtful as it is when people don't belive you, it's a reflection of thier own ego. Like your diagnosis is telling them they have missed somthing which they feel should have been obvious. When actually it's not about them missing something or being wrong, it's about you coming to terms with who you are, which is a process. 

    A diagnosis is a really great step for you and sounds as though it's lined a few things up in your head, so that's the main thing. 

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  • I had a smilliar experience and felt hurt as well. In a way it was expected becuase I feel as though I  have lied/masked by entire life so I felt like an imposter. But they only know what they have seen and its a shame people feel as though they can tell you what you are and what you aren't.

    We know what's going on in our heads and how we feel and I think the longer you have had your diagnosis the more you will come to terms with it and not feel like an imposter.

    As hurtful as it is when people don't belive you, it's a reflection of thier own ego. Like your diagnosis is telling them they have missed somthing which they feel should have been obvious. When actually it's not about them missing something or being wrong, it's about you coming to terms with who you are, which is a process. 

    A diagnosis is a really great step for you and sounds as though it's lined a few things up in your head, so that's the main thing. 

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