Flying

Thanks guys. See how this visit is.

Perhaps a stop halfway could work if I plan it well. Atm I can't afford it anyway, other things to cover.

I shall also look into Valium

You are far from alone, I've flown a few times before with anxiety but even the thought now is too much.

Glad they are coming to you though, something to look forward to

I didn't mind flying. However, I got frustrated at the Security Features; and delays jeopardising my plans - used Public Transport from Airports as much as possible.

Now, I no longer care. I no longer plan to leave Northern Ireland, unless it's a necessity to head to the South of Ireland.

Allistic prefers physical presence and would demand it, or at least nag about the need for it, and when it happens they reject us because to much weirdness isn't to their liking

I prefer to be ''otherwise located'' while still able to communicate and experience being together, e.g. via Zoom

and I like flying, I'm actually more confident when moving or perceiving in 3D than 2D

Its been a difficult few years and video chats are great, but what you are lacking can motivate you to work towards a visit happening.  'Its too much right now' >> 'I will work on making it manageable'  

Yes, it was not one of my better conceived posts...

Im not planning to dupe them. We have zoomed every week since 2020. A very boring affair.

You can't have a relationship over zoom

 Have you not heard of ZOOM?? Just do what the normies do, keep promising to go, and just talk to 'em on zoom making plans whilst never actually getting it together to go.

If they are proper normie, they probably won't even hold it against you!

After all, they left you...

Its a big challenge and easy to write it off, but first step is working towards thinking that you can cope with it, and know the best way to do considering your autism and crohns.

All good advice thank you. I know one day I will have to I'm sure, either that or cut ties, but I only have one sibling so would be a bit cold to overlook that relationship.

Need to continue on with my meditation practice so I can be unaffected by any situation. One day

Wow, I've not flown a plane, strangely enough, but have driven for many years and quickly aware of new/changes in cars and not just bugged by them to almost being too distracted to drive, so yes, you get a grip of yourself.

Flying worked in the early days as not that many people could afford it, and consequences of it were minimal, but its a big problem now though some people are choosing to fly less or not at all, personal choices - though in the future may be forced upon people, not just germ-tube impacts but the fuel crisis and cost of living increases, plus airlines making adjustments to avoid going bust.

Try being a pilot / light aircraft engineer! I find myself listening to every little noise, if I don't get a grip of my self.

A few years coming back from Holland in a "Bombardier" aircraft and it was DEFINITELY mechanically "wrong"! the engines seems to be vibrating and grinding away the whole airframe being much shakier and rattlier than even a DC3 from ww2! Surprisingly I survived the ordeal and when complaining to Ali (who's ancient and experienced on the bigger stuff) in the hangar a few days later, he tells me, "That's how they are, those Bombardiers are all like that. Known for it..."

And now that the "travelling germ tube" aspect of public transport has come to the fore, there is only one sensible solution to be had. It's a technological one, and the only way you will get it is if a member of the public opens up the field. (Excuse the pun)

I was about 28 when I first flew, and had two work trips expected of me close together - it wasn't great, and I didn't have the skills to manage it, was just a fairly stressed robot throughout.    

Unless you start to think differently about this trip then it will be difficult, or impossible, as you have predicted things based just on what you know now, or how you think now - but if you start to think about how you can make it happen that works for you, rather than thinking its just too much, then its more likely you could do it.  You are right to be realistic having autism and crohns as well, but i imagine many with crohns fly long distance so probably plenty of advice out there from them.

You could fly half-way and stop for a day or two before flying the last half, then you only have to manage two 11 hr flights (or whatever they are), also gives time to recover.  I don't have crohns but would choose that option myself purely in terms of autism, time to rest from the first flight and management of it, then repeat.

Once you have worked on managing the fear of flying and a flight, you could then book a cheap short distance return flight and then when you fly to sydney you haven't got to face it all in one flight.

Finding things difficult is how it is with autism, but learning to find ways to do things and ways around barriers and difficulties can make a difference. 

I've flown loads of times and tbh it doesn't get easier. If anything I hated it more the more I did it. I have allowed myself to say I'll never fly again which has been a huge relief. If a friend or family member moved abroad I'd probably find it easier to replace the relationship than only be able to see them via a 22-hour flight.

I hope you'll enjoy seeing them even if it's only for a little while.

You could write down how you feel about flying and show that to your brother to help him understand. I find it much easier writing how I feel rather than saying it aloud. Just remember there's nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of people don't like flying and it's even harder for people with autism.

Thanks for the responses. They have just taken off today. After 3+ years of waiting due to covid, they have today started the journey home to see us all, which is great.

But I guess I know the inevitable questions will come now of, 'so when are you coming to see us then?' ...not sure how to say, 'never', without having to list if the reasons why.

I've flown as far as Indonesia once, but I was in a right state, and ill etc. All before my diagnosis. Now I know why it is such a trauma.

Nice to know I'm not alone at least

Flying is one of my biggest fears. You aren't alone in this. So high up in the sky, enclosed space, loud and uncertainty everywhere I just get so many what ifs and know I'd have a huge meltdown if I flew. So I don't.

Have you talked to your brother about whether he could fly to see you instead and explain to him your difficulties with flying?

its not natural. i imagine i would feel similar anxiety being 20 thousand fathoms down in a submarine. or being in space.