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Undiagnosed brother abandoned by mother

NAS81314

My brother (J) is in his early 20s, and although he has never been officially diagnosed, he clearly has autism.  He is my half-brother and I am not related to his mother. She would not accept that J clearly had special needs and is on the spectrum, and for his entire life she has refused to have him assessed or even discuss the issue.  Recently she moved with him to a new town and then suddenly packed up and left him.  Although he is in his early 20s and fully verbal, he is vulnerable, childlike and with no work experience or qualifications or knowledge/skills on how to function independently.  J does not know he is on the spectrum. Please can someone advise on what the next steps should be to support him? His money will soon run out, he is capable of basic work but I fear he could easily be taken advantage of as he is naïve and childlike. How does one go about finding support for someone far enough on the spectrum that support is essential, but who has no idea that they are autistic and need support? 

  • take him out to a warhammer / d&d group. or whatever hes into to make friends. you can can also do this on online forums and various other virtual platforms now for almost any hobby. 

  • This is a good amount to handle for a sibling, but I'd want to be related to you! You sound compassionate and considerate and some times that can be enough, but it also sounds like it this case he may need professional support. 

    Are you interested in him moving in with you for a period of time? Also, where is your father on all of this. If not involved, is there a way to track him down and get him involved?

    Undiagnosed autistic individuals tend to recognise they are different and once they meet other Autistic Individuals they tend to recognise the similarities. That can be the easiest way to help him learn more about himself and get the help needed. 

    Support can be local, it could be good to look into Autism resources in your area and ask for help. You could take your brother out for a coffee and pop in for a sec letting him know you're wondering if it's in the family and you want more info. At worst he may need to fail a few jobs, but chances are you could help him join a group or club, there's always meet ups with fantasy games if he's into anything in particular. 

  • in reply to NAS78828

    Thank you. Do you or anyone else have any advice on how I should approach this with him? I don't think he has any idea that he has autism, or what it is, or that he needs support. 

    I would describe him as fully functioning, like how a ten year old is fully functioning. I think he is capable of basic paid work, but I don't think he is capable of finding a suitable job without support.  I am concerned that he will easily be taken advantage of and will need someone who checks in on him to make sure that he isn't being overworked, underpaid or falling for scams.  

    I am mindful of the potential emotional and psychological distress my next steps could have on him.  He doesn't have any friends or social group and has been rejected his whole life, he was expelled from school for reacting violently to a bully who picked on him incessantly. He only has a few immediate family members and I'm worried that bringing this up with him might hurt him and he could interpret it negatively. I don't want him to feel like he is 'different' or 'the odd one', or that having autism is a bad thing. On the other hand, to get the support and help he needs, he will have to have a diagnosis and I have to be the one to bring up the subject and steer him in the right direction. So I do have to do this, but I don't know how.

    I would be very grateful for any advice or guidance from people with autism, or from anyone who has experienced something similar. 

  • go to citizens advice. 

    probably worried about what other people will think of her for having an autistic child and 'bad genes'. 

    but i tend to think the worst now. good luck.