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I avoid relationships

NAS71232

I'm fine with being alone. I can't have a relationship because of two reasons. The first one is I know I'm very autistic. My teachers knew at school and I'm in the process of getting evaluated. The other reason is, when I was 13 or 14 years old, a man tried to kill me and smashed my head so badly, I was hospitalised. I was never the same after that attack. I'm very friendly, but simple.

Because of this, I can't have a normal relationship so I avoid them. I don't want to drag anyone into my mess.  

To be honest, I avoid everyone now Slight smile If I'm walking and see someone, I cross the road. I avoid eye contact and conversation. One of the cashiers at my local supermarket is too friendly with me, so I avoid her till now. I get very agitated by loud people, like when I'm on the bus and someone is talking loudly on their phone or to someone else.

  • Sorry to hear what you have been through. Normal relationships arent easy anyway, I would feel bad about not being able to have one. Do you have noise cancelling headphones for when you are on the bus? That might help with the loud people

    This is a very supportive community so I hope you feel at home here

  • in reply to JT

    Sorry, the editor went a bit crazy there. I was going to say, stay positive, and you'll get there

  • in reply to NAS71232

    The doctor will review your notes before you arrive, if they haven't had time then pause and ask them to.

    Be positive, they might be a much better addition to your treatment ThumbsupSome doctors are fantastic people in general I'd say PrayHIdHHIHIdHHIdHHIHIHIdHHIHIdHHIdHHI

  • in reply to Mariusz

    I try to stay happy MariusZ Slight smile

    I phoned my surgery this morning and my GP is on leave long term. Now I have to see a new doctor tomorrow. Someone that doesn't know my case. I'll have to restart my autism evaluation. 

    I've just realised that I haven't informed my doctor about the brain damage I got from the attempted murder.

    I'm pretty sure that it's why my memory is suffering now. My mother didn't get me checked for autism when I was young and didn't get me any help after my assault. I've been going around in circles for years.

    Now I've become self aware about my condition. My sick pay from work will be halved from now and cuts out in 10 weeks. I want to sell all of my valuables on eBay. 

    I think it would be best to write down what has happened for the doctor to read, rather thsn trying to explain it to him. I can't survive on Universal Credit and I'm not fit to work. 

  • NAS71232 said:
    If I'm walking and see someone, I cross the road.

    me too, and I live in a busy city, so I switched operating hours, and I sleep through the day and function at night, I don't need a loot of sun anyway, and it's annoyingly blinding anyway. 

    I can't have relationship either, my friends joke I have chances until I open my mouth and start talking, but I'm unable to play mute, or to pretend for personal gain, it used to bother me when I had flatmates, who were strangers, but when I moved out to live on my own I discovered I like it. But it'll change again, I move to live with a friend, Funny thing, my personality type is INTJ and his is ENFP, but our habits in regard to maintaining household are pretty much the same, so I hope we will continue getting along, 

    I can't get any job, even those heavy lifting slavery jobs, In the past I did get agency jobs, where you're basicaly on call, or when someone vouched for me and I had a guaranteed place, and interview was a mockup actually. I like working hard, and those who spent with me some time quickly notice that, But people doing interviews they don't see people like me on a street or in a supermarket, or in a restaurant, we are invisible people, and during interview they look at me with scorn, but it's their life if they want to be rascist I'd rather be as far away as possible

    I'm happy to see you can still smile, I like to smile to and be happy, and I'm happy as well. I found a way to do it in this ugly world

    Just because they are like that doesn't mean I have to, that choice is mine and I say no thank you to be like that. You can try it too, it's easier than it seems at first

    May autistic joy stay with you Smiley