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Need support and guidance for socialising!

NAS81195

Morning Wave

Im a 22 year old Autistic person (Diagnosed at age 13). One area I’ve ALWAYS found difficult is socialising with others whether it’s during staff socials or with the few friends I have. I really need some fresh advice/tips for this as its really starting to make me feel low and isolated. I really struggle to manage my anxiety at any social and I don’t really communicate or interact with anyone there because I don’t know how too. I get easily overwhelmed during social situations and is out of my control. I wondered if anyone has any techniques or strategies I could try in order to make socialising a bit more positive and enjoyable. Thankyou 

  • I've always struggled too. I used to force myself go go to work social events, as I thought the more I went to the easier they would become. Unfortunately that didn't happen and I would be so anxious both before and during the events. I hardly talked to anyone and would become so overwhelmed with the noise of the social environment. Back then I didn't know I was autistic and thought that alcohol would help me relax and talk more. It didn't help at all.

    Looking back if I could talk to my younger self it would be don't go!  If you feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed why put yourself through it. In my experience it doesn't get any easier with practice.

    As catlover as already said one to one is much easier. If you can attend the cinema or a show it takes some of the pressure off to talk, assuming you can cope with the noise and bright lights. 

    I know it is supposed to help to ask questions of others but I struggle with that. It just doesn't seem genuine to ask something unless I actually want to know the answer. However I'm not that interested in other people that I want to know. I can't feign interest in the response while my brain is screaming "how can I get out of here". Then I get more anxious in case the other person asks me the same question back and I haven't planned a reply.

    If you want to socialise and make friends then I'm probably not the best person to advise, as I'm pretty much a hermit these days.

  • in reply to Catlover

    I always let people just talk about themselves, they always seem far more interested in that than hearing about me

  • Firstly, some CBT might be helpful for social anxiety. I think you would find some it helpful. 
    In the meantime, make sure you look at venues before you go to them. Get familiar with the layout, and this will reduce a little bit if the anxiety. 
    As for socialising, keep it low key, quiet places, few people. One to one is probably best to start with.  A basic tip to to ask others a question, as people love to talk about themselves. That takes a bit of pressure off you too. 

  • Don't put pressure on yourself. it has helped me a lot. i used to panic about what to say and when i should speak, but now i find it a lot easier. my friends are all aware of my diagnosis so know that i find it difficult to socialise, they are totally cool with a bit of quiet which means i feel less pressured and ultimately end up talking more

    i hope you find your own way that helps you xx