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Struggling

NAS81105

I'm struggling. I can't work. I've tried but my sensory issues led to meltdowns, my lack of social understanding led to issues and I go non-verbal at the most inconvenient times (namely whenever I'm around anyone my brain deams as not safe which is 99%of people or anytime I have to speak on a phone). I was put into disability. But I feel so guilty. My friends name jibs at em when we go out and I get jumpy and overwelmed or tired about how I'm go not right to be tired because "its not like I'm working". My parents get mad when I don respond to them verbally or I don't respond to something I dont see as a question. I'm tryin my hardest to set myself routines but if somethin distracts me from that routine then I will forget something and then I get in trouble for that (usually it leads to me forgetting my meds or something similar).

I'm just tired I guess. And ranting.

I was only diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 28 and while it answered a lot of questions it also raised alot as well.

  • in reply to NAS79256

    Maybe something with animals. Animals seems to like me. One of my special interests is space, I'm currently trying to do one of the free open uni courses on it but my access to the library has been limited and I need to use a computer to do it. I also draw alot, so anything where I can draw or do anything artsy. I used to volunteer in a theatre doing stage prep. But hey were to worried about me being round tools and stuff. 

  • in reply to NAS81105

    I get told to stop over reacting all the time. I also get told to "stop being autistic". You are not alone. I am 40 and have never managed to have a job for more than a few months, despite doing well at school. The times I have attempted to it has quickly made me very unwell. Still I know that I have to find a way to support myself financially (I do not qualify for any benefits) and this worries me all day, every day.  I understand about being exhausted all the time, even though you are not working and I also feel guilty and embarrassed about not working. Unlike you though I don't really have any friends!

    I also stop speaking/can't speak sometimes, especially if someone is frustrated with me, exasperated with me, in need of emotional support, angry, sarcastic, asking a rhetorical question or if I am unsure about what they expect from me. I just freeze and hope they will eventually go away or remove their focus from me so I can escape to be alone. I also have a hard time responding promptly if somebody says something or asks me a question when I am concentrating.  Sometimes I am figuring out an answer to them in my head but I forget that they don't know that I am actually thinking very hard about what they asked and then they get annoyed because it has taken me too long. Also, if I am thinking about something and someone says something to me, I store their question and finish off what I was thinking about before I come back to their question. It makes people angry because they think I am ignoring them as I have not verbally responded or looked at them. Sometimes too, a question will trigger so much in my mind that I can't even think about it or attempt to answer it as I get lost in the process and it is too overwhelming. In these cases, the frustration of the other person makes it even worse. I can be verbally responsive for short periods when I need to, but this requires me to be someone other than I actually am, takes a huge amount of energy and is not something I can keep up all the time.

    It can be difficult explaining things how you want to, especially if you have a lifetime of people misunderstanding you or misinterpreting what you say. But you should keep trying and keep posting here because it seems like, on this forum, there will always be someone who will understand you and or relate to your experience. 

    What would your ideal job be, if you could do anything that you wanted?

  • in reply to Catlover

    ADHD was ruled out. I do have SPD and PTSD as well as being autistic. 

    It hard to stop worrying what others think when not of the time that's all the input I get from others. I got told by my parents I was over reacting to something today because my hearing is just to sensative. 

    I can't really explain things like I want to. Even on here. 

  • Do you have ADHD too? As it sounds like distracting is a bit of a problem too.

    You need to stop worrying about what other people think or say. I would also suggest cutting your activities down, and learn how much stimulation and socialising you are capable of. When you are in charge of that, you may well find a job that suits, even if that’s for 6 hours a week. Give yourself time to adapt, and try to surround yourself with people that will support you.