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Romantic and sexual relationships

barbiegirl

Hi all. I am a newly diagnosed 20 year old woman.

I know that I am still young and "the right person will come along when I least expect it" but I am fed up of having no romantic interests. I have had quite a lot of casual sex, but almost entirely through dating apps where no flirting was particularly necessary. I've never been on a date, held hands with anyone (not that I would be interested in that...don't like palms touching) or had a romantic kiss (only been kissed to initiate sex).

It makes me feel ugly and unlovable. I don't know how to move from this casual sex, which has caused me some trauma and got me into dangerous positions, and go more towards romantic relationships. 

Advice would be appreciated. 

Parents

  • For a start, stop having sex on a first date. Wait a month or three... or build a friendship first. 

    Sex is very intimate and you don't owe that to anyone who is just using and disposing of you (unless this is agreed by both parties, and that can be useful for a time). 

    Some biological differences can cause a drive in females to do anything for a mate, including sacrificing their livelihood to being obsessed by the idea they need a mate which can interfere with learning to enjoy being and 'becoming' themselves. Maybe shift focus and find everything you love by trying new things. Go to art openings or the library or museums. Find a collective with a hobby - books, knitting, music, pottery -whatever sounds worth trying. Be curious in things. Usually, when we pursue the things we love (rather than people), we end up enriching ourselves and can also meet someone we share values with. 

Reply

  • For a start, stop having sex on a first date. Wait a month or three... or build a friendship first. 

    Sex is very intimate and you don't owe that to anyone who is just using and disposing of you (unless this is agreed by both parties, and that can be useful for a time). 

    Some biological differences can cause a drive in females to do anything for a mate, including sacrificing their livelihood to being obsessed by the idea they need a mate which can interfere with learning to enjoy being and 'becoming' themselves. Maybe shift focus and find everything you love by trying new things. Go to art openings or the library or museums. Find a collective with a hobby - books, knitting, music, pottery -whatever sounds worth trying. Be curious in things. Usually, when we pursue the things we love (rather than people), we end up enriching ourselves and can also meet someone we share values with. 

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