I'm currently on a waiting list for an assessment (one and a half years into a three year wait) and I'm struggling. I'm three weeks into a new job and I'm already identifying ways in which my potential autism is impacting my work. I've done hours and hours of research into autism and believe I'm on the spectrum. I've spoken to friends and family, people with autism, and I'm getting mixed messages. One person who works with autistic children thinks I'm not, but he's an online friend and I'm not a child, a relative who has worked with autistic children also doesn't think I'm on the spectrum but she rarely sees me. My flatmate who thinks they're autistic also doesn't think so. I've had autistic people who work for the organisation I'll be getting assessed by say I'm definitely autistic. I'm so confused and frustrated. I need to stop asking people. The thing is, if I'm not diagnosed with it, then what's going on with my brain? How am I supposed to explain my actions at work? If I'm not on the spectrum, how do I explain the sensory overloads I have, my sensory issues, all my special interests, the social things I don't understand, the fact that I can't stand eye contact and that too much eye contact makes me feel upset and overwhelmed, the excessive stimming (especially during certain emotions or anything relating to my special interests), sometimes I go mute or only make noises to communicate, my sensitivity to heat, the distress I feel with surprises and change and spontaneous activities being sprung on me, having to have my boss make a plan of every detail about our upcoming training in Leeds (the transport we're taking, the route, where toilets will be on the way, where we'll be stopping, who I'll be with, the location and where a quiet room will be, when things will be, when breaks will be, the list goes on and on), my sensitivity to lots of noise, certain noises and smells, my discomfort in shops that I've always struggled with, the list goes on. How do I explain all that if I'm not diagnosed? Maybe people just don't see half the stuff I experience but I'm so scared of not getting diagnosed. I don't know what to do about it...
