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Reading people and romantic relationships?

NAS77044

I was wondering if autistic people cannot read people how would you know if you like someone romantically?

[link removed]

As I was told by a psychiatrist that when you have autism you struggle to read people, which surely means understanding the character that would make you fall for them? 

Please could someone explain? [link removed]

[Mod note: This thread has been locked as the original post contained multiple links to spam sites hidden in the text of the post]

  • Just re-read the original post...I see other way round; how do you know if you like them? Errr.. I think if they are ticking all the shared values boxes plus the sexual attraction. For friendships; minus the sexual attraction.

    Make a list of values and interests you think you'd like someone you want to be around to have. Overtime, as you talk to them you will see whether they have them. That much won't depend on subtle cues, but be evident in what they explicitly say or do. If unsure; ask - "what do you think, believe, feel about x?'. Careful, some people aren't quite honest when they want to impress you, but most people are.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    I did spend an interesting evening once with a good friend explicitly teaching me how to "make eyes" at some one. At a certain point she said: "You go to the juke box now, he'll follow you". He did. How on earth did she know? We'll we'd no idea I was autistic. I just thought she was psychic.

    Anyway, I went out briefly with the lovely young man, but we ended up good friends. Lol. I made a friend anyway.

  • in reply to Dawn

    ulala, good for you

    I was to much of a chicken to ask

  • Yep! But you can rely on what they say. I think my girls friends always found me quiet brazen. Like guy? Ask guy!  One way or another: job done. 

    Nah, can't read the subtle cues much, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Worst that cam happen is they say: 'No'.

     Mind you at my time of life, I'm a bit old for that. I was once young though...and the approach has taken me down some profound and interesting roads.

  • Not reading certain body language or read certain signals from someone, doesn't stop you for from liking someone romantically.

    As there is other things like aesthetic attraction, having the same interests, communicating through speech, doing activities together, having the same future goals and ambition and so.

    Not reading people is more like not knowing what that person, thinks, feels, is trying to suggest, trying to say, or if they are bored and etc.

    But to the autsitc person, all they know is how they feel about that person and that things are great. But what I struggle with and others is not picking up the other persons body language or signals.

    Like for instance if someone likes me and was flirtying and doing all that sorts, I wouldn't even know or pick up or understand that they are flirtying and liking me, I probably wouldn't respond. 

    Or for instance if I like someone and I'm busy talking, thinking they are having a nice time cos I am. But that person isn't communicating back, they are bored, unimpressed, I wouldn't pick up on that at all, as I find it hard to read people. So I wouldn't have a clue that the person doesn't like me.