Where to go from here...

Hi,

Are you able to describe the kinds of behaviours you mean, and the kinds of things Adam struggles with as well as his strengths? Some specifics would be really helpful. Thank you in advance

Many thanks for taking the time to reply. Can be a lonely place being a parent of a child with autism. Adam does not cope with other peoples point of view.. its his way or no way. There is no compromise and if you say no to something..  he becomes fixated on getting what he wants and he is relentless. Wrongly (I know) I give in more often than not because I just don't have the mental strength to cope with it.

Thank you for sharing this. I will start by saying that I’m autistic rather than a parent, so I can only speak from that perspective. I hope this can still be helpful.

It sounds like Adam can be rigid. This can be difficult of course, for all the reasons you express. Perhaps a conversation with a counsellor who has an awareness of autism could be helpful in finding ways for you both to relate to each other from a place of deeper understanding?

My second thought is that it is worth considering a flip side to your current experience of Adam’s difficult with compromise and understanding others’ views: this can be a strength when channelled in positive directions. I don’t like using Greta thumberg as an example, as she has privileges and a reach few of us share - but imagine if she had listened to all the voices telling her to stop, that she couldn’t make a difference etc?

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that Adam struggles too, and that his autism is, as you say, part of who he is - including shaping his strengths. That’s not to minimise your current difficulties.

Final note: I’d like to suggest, gently and with respect, that you try using ‘autistic’ rather than ‘with autism.’ The latter implies that autism is a disease that can and should be cured, while theormer is an identity, something that runs through the whole person, including their struggles and their strengths. It’s all part of reframing your perception so that you are able to better support both yourself and Adam going forward.

all the best, and feel free to ask any further questions :-)

Thank you for sharing this. I will start by saying that I’m autistic rather than a parent, so I can only speak from that perspective. I hope this can still be helpful.

It sounds like Adam can be rigid. This can be difficult of course, for all the reasons you express. Perhaps a conversation with a counsellor who has an awareness of autism could be helpful in finding ways for you both to relate to each other from a place of deeper understanding?

My second thought is that it is worth considering a flip side to your current experience of Adam’s difficult with compromise and understanding others’ views: this can be a strength when channelled in positive directions. I don’t like using Greta thumberg as an example, as she has privileges and a reach few of us share - but imagine if she had listened to all the voices telling her to stop, that she couldn’t make a difference etc?

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that Adam struggles too, and that his autism is, as you say, part of who he is - including shaping his strengths. That’s not to minimise your current difficulties.

Final note: I’d like to suggest, gently and with respect, that you try using ‘autistic’ rather than ‘with autism.’ The latter implies that autism is a disease that can and should be cured, while theormer is an identity, something that runs through the whole person, including their struggles and their strengths. It’s all part of reframing your perception so that you are able to better support both yourself and Adam going forward.

all the best, and feel free to ask any further questions :-)