Published on 12, July, 2020
I was very afraid being left alone when I was a child. My mom tells me I checked if she was home every 15 minutes when I was out playing outside our flat when I was like 3 years old. I really remember when I was maybe 2-3 sitting in the shopping trolley, this really burned into my memory. I needed to have a sight of my mom, if she went behind the trolley, I was saying mommy mommy, so that I could see her in my view point again. I always needed some sort of insurance that an adult was there for me, up to I was 14 years old.
I have a friend, very social I asked him, absolutely not autistic about this, and he could as well relate, he said he too needed to know were his parents were, maybe they were out shopping, and he was home alone, he could get very anxious until they came home, or if he was in a mall with them, he wanted to explore on his own, but had to keep an eye on his parents, something I can related to as well. So I don't know if this is normal or not, because for example my brother, he really didn't need this assurance, and I have seen many children not needing it as well.
I could as well relate this that I was much more aware of the environment, dangers etc. understanding that being left alone could put you in a awkward situation, most children only react when it happens that they find out that they have been out of sight from their parents. But I guess it was over the top for me.
Is this normal for people on the autism spectrum?
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I can remember hiding in a wardrobe from a young age, it felt safe being hidden and in the dark. I was visiting my mother yesterday and found a strip of photos attached to her fridge, they were taken when I was about 3 years in a photo booth, I am in full rage as I’m being held. My mother now knows that I don’t like being touched and I told her about my autism just before Christmas. The photos got mentioned yesterday, I was told that I should go to therapy and the whole group would touch me all at once and it would cure me! I tried to explain that it would lead to a meltdown that you would see from space. I love just being on my own. I do wonder about parents sometimes.
I did the same, I took out all the kitchenwear from my grandmothers kitchen drobes and liked to hid in there for some seconds with a closed door. I never went to kindergarten and I don't remember bringing lots of toys to my grandma (got bored after some while), so I guess this was normal behavior for all kids, all kids like to hide in enclosed areas like small tents etc., the unknown is exciting to explore. And probably this way we get more used to the dark and dangerous we as kids are afraid of. I didn't feel safe there, so that was the exciting bit.