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I tried to explain to my Mum how I feel yesterday

NAS80786

So do I show signs of autism or am I just trying to label myself?

I tried to explain to my Mum yesterday at a family BBQ that I may actually have some degree of autism.  Every time I mention it she laughs and says that its ridiculous and that no child of hers could possibly have such a thing.  

The thing is that she seems to have forgotten how my childhood was for me.  At 54 I still struggle to comprehend where and how I got through all these years without stopping to ask the question.  Then I remember that I am so good at masking and mimicking that I just did the best I could to survive.

All the signs are there.  Everything listed in typical autism traits are there, I tick almost every box going. I want to scream at her for laughing it off but I remain calm and only my older brother supports me on it.  He can see it, how hard I try not to lose the plot when my parent seems so upset that one of her children may not be "normal".

Anyway, I will be solving my own life puzzle as the struggle has reached a peak. I cannot hide any more and need help to understand why I am like I am

 

  • in reply to Roy

    Yes,  I have been researching those who are diagnosed and making mental notes, thank you for replying and welcoming me into this group.  I just want to be at peace with myself.

  • in reply to NAS78828

    Ha, I could do that, but luckily my brother understands the way it presents and has encouraged me to get tested. I agree about how horrible the whole affair is, Take care 

  • Forgot to add that there are some really good videos on YouTube. 

  • get used to it. or start acting like the rain man. its horrible. 

  • Hi, welcome to the group. I’m 54 and recently been going through a similar experience with my mother. First of all put everyone else to one side and decide how you want to proceed. Some people are fine with self diagnosis and that’s fine and valid. I felt that I need the validation of an assessment, if only to bring some closure to the last 50+ years. The chance of being noticed in the 70’s or 80’s would have been zero and there was no help anyway.

    Your first step is to contact your GP and tell him or her all the reasons you believe that you are autistic. Make notes so you don’t seize on the day. They will most probably ask you to do an AQ50 test, there are loads online, if you haven’t already done  some, try a couple. The wait on the NHS is quite long, in my area it’s over 2 years or private is quicker but expensive.

    Your mother,  I would go treat with bite size bits, I find the slowly catchy monkey better, parents often think we are attacking their parenting skills, we obviously aren’t but just want to be understood. Only we know how we genuinely feel inside our heads and how the world is to us. The problem is that we have spent decades masking so we look normal and don’t stand out. We actually start to believe this other person is real and stop knowing who we actually are. After the lightbulb moment it all just starts to flood in, trying to process it all is hard so take your time and do it slowly. My mother is starting to get it. We have gone from, “ you don’t look autistic, autistic people don’t talk and stare at walls,” to “ that thing you have.” She can’t say the word but I think we are making progress. I did actually get to the point of saying that I would just go through it on my own and don’t need her validation. I sometimes wonder which way round this parenting thing works!

    Good luck with whatever you decide.