Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, just wondering if anyone else finds eating out in restaurants hell, I have always struggled with menus and finding something that I can tolerate, but it was only six months ago that I realised that I’m autistic. Looking through a menu fills me with anxiety, will there be anything I can eat? My wife has had a lot to deal with over the last 35 years, the last six months I’ve started telling her what affects me, some of my dislikes and things that cause me sensory overload. One of these things is food that is out of my safe group. We did a recent trip to Milan, ended up in KFC and McDonald’s 3 times as I just needed to eat.
I see a lot of posts on here from partners of autistic people asking for help with trying to work out their partners. I’m trying to show how hard it is from the other side, Being told that your being awkward and making everything about you isn’t helpful. A trip to Spain recently led to a big meltdown in the hotel’s main restaurant. I just couldn’t find a food that I could eat and then the noise of people all talking at once finished with me crashing. We went to a local gastro pub last night and it was a fish night ( unknown to me), I started to shutdown and get told off for starting the silent treatment. Being asked if your okay is fine, after about 4 times it becomes patronising and if you say your not then you are ruining the night. My wife to be honest has tried a lot to understand me, but sometimes I feel totally cutoff and have no one to talk to who actually understands, even most professionals aren’t actually autistic. Being told to try and be a bit more adventurous doesn’t help. sorry to rant on, just finding food and being understood hard at the moment, how do some of you cope in eateries? on a brighter note, cheese sandwiches for lunch today!
It sounds like crowds, noise and new food are consistent causes of stress for you. If you don't want to travel, don'tz or travel separately from your wife, but if you do still want 5o travelz it's about preplanning. My partner struggles with food in a similar way, so we always pack peanutbutter and jam sandwich materials, and get a few safe foods like frozen pizza. If we can't bring food, out first order of business at a destination is stopping at a grocery store.
I struggle with crowds and noise, so we make our best guesses at where/when on the trip that's going to happen and try to minimise it. We've got a signal system worked out for checking in, to avoid the are you ok discussion. Essentially just me indicating my level of stress. And we make a decision in advance about whether or not we will both bail, if I bail. Sometimes I just head back to the accomodation on my own and chill, sometimes we go together, but with preplanning, it doesn't ruin anyone's night.