Hi all,
My partner is autistic, I thought I was prepared to deal with it as my father is also on the spectrum but I'm finding I am unprepared. I'm open, honest and generally try my best to communicate my needs and never have him 'guess' but I'm also pretty emotional and feel things very deeply. When I try to communicate how something made me feel, upset me or what I need he gets very defensive and feels I've attacked him. I'm struggling how to communicate my needs or feelings without him taking it this way. I always state things as 'I feel', 'Maybe I've misunderstood/there's been a miscommunication' and if it's something where I know he's done nothing wrong but I'm feeling a certain way and just need to understand better, I say that.
I think I'm aware of we have different ways of showing things and processing things, autism or no so I try to discuss and understand these differences to prevent me assuming things and taking it personally but he gets defensive and snaps, I get emotional which then frustrates him and worsens things (I cry very easily unfortunately). We both care very deeply for each other but we just keep hitting this wall in communication and I'm lost. I can't not raise things or show my emotions, I've tried but maybe it's the ADHD, it eats at me and he can tell something is up and saying 'it's nothing' will obviously just make him more anxious when it's honestly some small thing. I also don't like letting small things fester into big things. He's not used to 'brutal, open honesty' and I don't know how to compromise/make it more accessible for him.
