Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
Not got a diagnosis for my husband but after 30 plus years together and experience working in education, what was a quirky and reliable if not very reserved guy is a real struggle to live with. We met at 21 marrying at 23 as my parents insisted if we wanted to live together. That’s another issue not for now. Husband was really attentive pre wedding. Switch literally flipped at the wedding and the day was awful as he got so drunk he had to be put to bed. Years have passed, good times, ok times, bad times. All as expected…..but I am absolutely exhausted. I’m not going to drip feed but it’s clear he and as he admits his sister and mother are definitely on the spectrum. He is proud of it. He thinks I’m unreasonable asking him to perhaps come to my end of life occasionally. As long as I am quiet and non judgemental he is ok. The moment I voice an opinion he has verbal diarrhoea telling me how awful I am and being defensive. He then goes silent for days and sulks, really sulks. I generally fix this by apologies, taking the blame for being an idiot, etc etc. Truth be told I am exhausted. Any advice welcome. For information - an incident occurred this week that has really just made me feel so tired. Hopefully some one can identify and point me in the right direction for support. Thanks
I think that it is best you go an get some counselling. You cannot change him, only he can make that choice, but if he is happy the way he is he won't change. You have some thinking to do for you, as his reaction is very on the abusive side. And you do not deserve that. I would highly recommend you get some counselling. Also you might wish to get an assessment as you might be on the spectrum too. A lot of us girls on the spectrum who come across as NT are very empathic and subjected to abuse, but we don't realise that it is abuse or wrong, it can take years to discover for ourselves that something is not right.
Asking fellow autistic people in this case is not going to help, as some men who are like your husband will answer. If I were you I would go see a counsellor and then take it from there. You deserve to be treated much kinder and better.