Feel lost in how to communicate with husband who has Autism

My ex left me when I was 40, ending 10  year long relationship, I loved her all the time, few months later I fall apart

your husband looks like me from that time

I think I finally found out why it happened 

watch this video www.youtube.com/watch

I had a total mental breakdown when I was 41, 6 weeks off I couldn't even leave bed, than barely existed unable to cope with most of things I had to do, finally I was diagnosed at 42, and begun understanding myself and rebuilding myself from scratch, once broken you can't just get over it, when you realise why you don't fit, it takes time, I'm 43 now, at last feeling confident enough and making things work again, building new routines, and to communicate my needs, but still any outside pressure is a big no, I just can't take even a bit of it anymore, I continue getting better for a month now I did not have a day when I couldn't leave bed

I had lots of meaningless activities that were like a routine, that started as a means to relax, similar to collect in Pokemon. that continued on even after breakdown, I was holding onto last bits of old life. It took me a while to stop them, they were eating to much of my time. now I avoid playing games that can turn into routine because the game is designed that way, it's a trap for autistic man

My friends kept watching over me so I don't do anything stupid, and so I had someone to talk and spill out what ailed me, but I leave alone, they were just coming over.

Thank you for your reply your insight has been really helpful. In any relationship communication is a massive factor. Especially when it involves raising a family together. After a year of being on the recieving end of his anger everytime I approached the subject of filling out his form I decided to ask for help here. As for him disappearing for two hours in the morning playing Pokémon this was actually quite scary as I didn't know where he was and didn't have an answer to give my young children when they where asking me where he was. I don't give a hoot that he plays Pokémon as it's something my children and him have a great time playing. It just might have been less of an anxiety trip for me that day if he had of let me know what he was doing. I have some great advice here. Thank you. 

Firstly, I would have to say that no diagnosis will help anyone overcome obstacles related to ASD. What will happen in time, is acceptance, and then a subsequent change of lifestyle to suit one’s self, and not one which is expected of them.

Secondly, I feel that your husband may be struggling with working almost full time. For anyone else, a day off in the week is super, and you can use the time effectively to get things done,  but for him, it would probably mean time out to recharge. So asking him to do a very hard and tiresome task in this day possibly isn’t the best idea. 
He is gaming and doing his own things in the evenings as a means to escape and cope. He isn’t choosing to do this to get away from anyone, or put off doing the things that need attention.

I would suggest that you see if he can spend 10 or 15 minutes doing the most important thing (the paperwork?) after he has chilled out for a few hours. Break the task down so it isn’t so overwhelming for him.

I didn’t get your point about no one would believe you. What did you mean? That he came in after collecting Pokémon? Because I don’t actually see a problem. He is an adult after all, and can come and go as he pleases. Or maybe it’s the fact it’s a seen as a kids game? I don’t know. There’s a lot to learn for both of you. He isn’t NT and never will be, and likes what he likes. 

Regarding your relationship, I don’t think it’s broken or ending. Your husband needs to start assessing his life, and finding out what helps him, and what isn’t working. He may not realise he needs help with certain executive tasks, or might not want to ask for help, as he may feel like he’s too dependent on you and feel bad about it. 
Please also remember that he is only shouting and getting worked up because he is overwhelmed and struggling. It isn’t anything to do with you, it’s just that you are there at that moment, or it’s you asking him to do something difficult. Please be patient with him, but ensure you explain how this makes you feel, and how you are worried about your relationship, and that you are willing to work with him to smooth the way for a brighter future.

Thank you can I ask was the professional help you got from a charity? 

Thank you I can tell he is overwhelmed and want to help him but I don't know how maybe filling in the form for him will be the best thing. I had a conversation with him just now and he opened up about how stressful everyday life is at the moment. I think your right he has been juggling for years to fit into a neurotypical world. He works four days a week and has Wednesday off. I am going to suggest to him to maybe think of this day as the one we get necessary things sorted. Maybe this way of thinking will take the pressure off him. Thank you,  your words have helped me so much. 

Oh- this is good to know!!

I had to deal with Admin myself; when caring for my Grandmother. No one else in the house could have done it, then; my brother was still a kid at the time.

However, my PIP application forms were filled professionally.

Ok wow. I’m autistic and absolutely understand the issue with time and extreme difficulty dealing with anything administrative but this sounds a bit irresponsible. 

I have a son. I navigate as best I can. It is valuable to take a whole day off once a week, but we do this so we can be responsible.

Id fill out the forms and leave a pen for him to sign. Do what you need to do for yourself and children. I don’t know what else is happening and there could be a great deal of miscommunication or he’s suddenly snapped after 40 years of trying to be NeuroTypical… I have a feeling other men here who are autistic may give some helpful insight.