Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I am a 51 Yr old female awaiting diagnosis. My work have been very supportive and have referred me through occ health. What led me to speaking out was the pain of panic attacks and what I perceive as an inability to overcome them. I am successful in many areas in my life and professionally however there are a few situations which absolutely floor me and for the life of me I cannot get to grips with them. This has been the case since I was a child so has plagued me for over 4 decades now. I try and rationalise it and tell myself it’s confidence or self esteem, I’m just wondering if others can relate to this ? Sadly I often berate myself and feel foolish hence getting a diagnosis will hopefully help me make sense of this. I would stress there are numerous other factors besides this which have led me to seek support and diagnosis. Thank you in anticipation
I hope you don’t mind me asking if they are actually panic attacks, and not meltdowns? I guess it’s hard to know until you scrutinise your life and self…. But yes, I can relate to beating myself up over all manner of things. I just didn’t understand why I was unable to deal with certain things, and why my life was so hard. Its always an uphill struggle. I thought I was the problem for years. I could not get my head around the fact that I was intelligent yet felt stupid. Simple things were challenging for me. I felt useless to my family. I realised I was autistic in 2019, and had a burnout through trying to keep it at the back of my mind for the best part of a year. Had CBT twice in 2020, evaluated myself, and self diagnosed for about 5 months prior to setting up an assessment late 2021. I got my diagnosis in March this year. I’m 49. It has been helpful. I’m still coming to terms with it, even though I knew I was autistic, but I am already more ‘the real me’ than I was before I even knew I had ASD.
Thank you, you know I have never considered my response to be a meltdown ? All the self assessment tests I’ve completed suggest I’m on the spectrum but I’m waiting to be seen. I’ve dipped in & out of therapy for decades to no avail.