Partner is suffering depression and autism and it's becoming alot

It sounds like a very disorienting dilemma & so many things could be at the traumatic leading edge here. Considering the prospect of an autism diagnosis is the way the condition has sociological dimensions, perhaps there is a ready made context to be had in that respect. I'd doubt that this might be the only theme for consideration by far - however. From its standpoint it could be true to say that autistic people who live in & around built up areas, ( for instance ) seem to be experiencing greater amounts of intolerance by others at large. In recent times i have certainly detected that there is a increase in general public unrest, that seems to erupt to the surface at the least cause  in shops and so forth. Some staff in shops anbd other establishments have become aggressive in my area, so much so in my case that it has prompted me to begin looking at autistic I.D strategies closely. In speaking in this ay it may not seem to your good self that it could possibly link. Similarly you may receive more replies with separate ideas. But nevertheless if the conditions are that perhaps high functioning autism (HFA) is rushing up as a reality, then it is just as possible that some intense negative experiences may have taken place in public  or have built up over a longer time span unnoticed. Difficulty in social matters is already a central theme for autistic individuals. I cannot vouch for every area of the country, but in mine its getting much harder to avoid conflict situations. Thus if a keynote of your partners being  is to be a recognition concerning autistic, then he might have been enduring some difficult issues in public over time & this could have eroded his self esteem. 

Having offered this possibility it would not be a good idea to believe that this is the reason. Better to gather what you can & feel your way through it all until something emerges that makes sense. Try not to seem stressed even when you are. If there is one thing you can do that'll help it is to seem cool and somewhat detached ( from losing your own noodle over this ).

And just maybe the above is at least a start with uncovering what is wrong. They way you worded it it feels like your partner is exasperated and in despair of something that has got beyond his reasoned understanding of the world - could be losing faith in humankind rather than himself ? We can if people will not refrain from insulting us.

People do talk about topping themselves when a certain threshold is breached in that way. And if he is political maybe its time to have a rest. The rhetoric & neuro linguistic adaptation to reality that go on there are about the worst thing there is for this state of mind.

I hope things settle.

Grubby Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

What you are saying makes sense and it has definitely giving me some food for thought. 

I agree that I think he has lost all hope in humanity, he has made comments of such but he also thinks very negatively of him self and assumes everyone else things negatively about him also. 

I have been doing alot of reading and research about autism in adults and both autism and depression coexisting together. I'm pretty sure I've not even touched the tip of the iceberg... But I feel it's giving me a slight better understand of how I can handle things when they do go south.

Im hoping that his appointment next week with the new therapy centre can asses what would be the best thing for him currently and also if he does get a diagnosis of autism that they can then alter and tweak things.

Is hard to not feel helpless and like I am not doing enough when they are being closed off. But I also know he needs to feel what he is feeling and deal with it in his way also. 

Grubby Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

What you are saying makes sense and it has definitely giving me some food for thought. 

I agree that I think he has lost all hope in humanity, he has made comments of such but he also thinks very negatively of him self and assumes everyone else things negatively about him also. 

I have been doing alot of reading and research about autism in adults and both autism and depression coexisting together. I'm pretty sure I've not even touched the tip of the iceberg... But I feel it's giving me a slight better understand of how I can handle things when they do go south.

Im hoping that his appointment next week with the new therapy centre can asses what would be the best thing for him currently and also if he does get a diagnosis of autism that they can then alter and tweak things.

Is hard to not feel helpless and like I am not doing enough when they are being closed off. But I also know he needs to feel what he is feeling and deal with it in his way also. 

Dear Clueless

Well you are welcome & its good to hear that a beginning was potentially begun & that some sort of progress can take place. In those terms you are the analyst on hand and researching, so congrats on getting things moving - you've definitely altered what might have been a static position.

If you are right that there is a key loss of self esteem he does need to deal with it his way ultimately, & you are the trapeze artist who shall be in a hapless bystander relationship with loved one if your input is zero Yes. Thus it is a seriously tentative position that requires some precision by you under duress as it'll put you in a type of love me, love me not dichotomy. In many ways life is a contradiction, therefore making those work for you both is a paraconsistent ability. I might go to risky extreme of showing the wiki for this term :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraconsistent_logic

And with this extract :

''A paraconsistent logic is an attempt at a logical system to deal with contradictions in a discriminating way. Alternatively, paraconsistent logic is the subfield of logic that is concerned with studying and developing "inconsistency-tolerant" systems of logic which reject the principle of explosion''.

To introduce a term from logic might seem perplexing - thats because it is . However if we look at the self loathing position it shares the dilemma of contradiction from service users perspective there has got to be a locus from which to proceed.. That brings us to see there is no reason to self despise =  contradiction. We can know that your love is in a sense - expected - to bring a inconsistency tolerance magick for purpose of avoiding relationship explosion. though not in break up context, more within an inertia related to the issues.  That means that a state exists, where your support is imperilled by the potentials of rejection as matters are not yet stable. What is love after all if it isn't a contradiction between emotion & reason ? I'll not suggest that all is fair in love & war as no doubt it isn't where contradiction gets it wicked way  Will say that love survival is almost forensic sometimes & that later years on on it all just feels like the same pure love. By a contraction it is pure love process via reason if we are still there to tell the tale & these types of demarcation are ultra subtle are they not ? It can be useful to plan ahead a way to avoid negative connotations in that respect - be delicate like Gaia.

In a logical context resistance to 'explosion' relates to bringing in smoothing hypothesis that is an ingress that works, whilst it doesn't unsettle the entire endeavour or cause the sort of logical explosion in context in scientific settings. At the same time  the theory & philosophy of mind are a phenomenological science thus any dividing line is simply abstract. Your position might not be absolute rational science, but is a 'science of love' that doesn't need to be. Furthermore you were not able to choose the position arrived at. In your role matters relate to an avoidance to losing touch with your partners sense of proportion so he doesn't throw the dummy out of the cot so all falls down - it is clear you sense that. Then you'd both build it up again - then it falls down again - that would be very draining & i'd feel you are aware of that too. Put it this way, if you can accept that the prevailing conditions feature cognitive contradiction, where self loathing is better adjusted to self respect ( i.e he is respectable but has been affected so he doesn't respect himself = contradiction ) - then you'd always have a sense of where the pivot is for this see saw effect liabilty. Thus anything you faciliate might not overload one end - if that makes sense ? By putting in place a tangible mental topography you'd have some degrees of freedom to help with this. This is since they help the srervice user to agree to boundary conditions around the emotional regulation matters (which is what these are ) The suggestions depend entirely on if it is right to consider partner lost his self respect to degree of despising himself.  If that is the case then there could be many years of inertia. Therefore it might be so that a fear of research complexity in adopting a philosophy & theory of mind along a special broadsword armed against contradiction is the least of your problems tbh. It doesn't have to be this model, but something else will need similar elements if you are determined to be proactive like this.

Going forward it'll be clear that the world will not change in front of you partner significantly. It can show separate characteristics among select tribes of human via enhanced forms of understanding we learn. But the facts surrounding the corporeal world are pretty set in stone. Whatever the truth is here considering your partners actual state of mind, he cannot afford to lose his self respect permanently. Therefore it would be clear that the path from A to B shall feature strategies that help him cope = regain balance. It is a shame that our social engineers are minded toward the goals they have & not the potential for adversity their manipulative ways bring. If your partner is of above average intelligence he may be sensitive to that form of sociological wrong doing. Such things are beyond the pale of help by your individuality or his and say mine as we are not masses entities of whole democracy but units of it. I mention this as a general safeguard concerning any  big picture scenario, not that one in particular. For it suffices it to say that should an inner conflict be entwined with the world at large, during this form of dilemma, that is a force to be reckoned with aside from any one on one examples that bound together to = loss of self respect. In which case there would be two topologies to juggle i.e personal experience leading to X & perceptual leading to Y. Each when present might combine to overwhelm someone. Furthermore concerning any personal experience that built up, such potentials will remain out there in public. Therefore the recovery could only feature the way of personal adaptation & more residence.

If the basic topography you perceive as relevant gets put in place & is a love science that works. Then it only remains that your partner somehow finds a way to openly discuss what it was that upset him into such a dark place. We cannot know if any part of an outlook above can do this, that is more of a way to experience a strategy someone else may put in place. It shows a way to add a type of virtual tangibility as the vital element, whilst you endeavour to consider the actual architecture you'll feel is best.

Usernames like Clueless are so endearing when used by someone who'll elucidate elements of thier thought process and research. In that sense some of the above will help and some won't. You should be confident in your explicit love science Clueless, there is a sense in the air that whatever you need to do it will be chosen wisely.

Stuff worth browsing :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Core_self-evaluations

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transformative_learning

See the 10 step reintegration ladder in TL.

Go Well