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Partner is suffering depression and autism and it's becoming alot

Clueless

I feel clueless

I apologize now for how long winded this is and some of it might not seem like it belongs in this forum but i could really use the help and understanding. 

I have been with my partner for over 8 years now and I have always known that he struggled a little with anxiety and depression and even though he is on medication recently things have gone in a downward spiral.

A month or so back he got really bad, intrusive negative thoughts about himself and what others thought of him, being very withdrawn both physically and verbally, thoughts of death and possibly acting on it. I am usually well versed in how to help him with his depression and such but this was new for me, I have never seen him like that. I was so worried and panicked that my own mental health began to suffer a little. He wouldn't talk to anyone or seek help, he would t talk to his parents and let them know he was struggling and he told me not to tell anyone as well but I explained that we needed help that I couldn't do this on my own. 

He eventually agreed to see our local mental health crisis team and they saw him every day for a almost 3 weeks, he was out on some medication to help him sleep but also something he could take when ever he felt high anxiety which he could take ontop of his usually anti depressants. He also got to see there on call phycologist, who was very nice and strongly believes that along with depression and anxiety that he has high functioning autism as well.

Which now that I think back and reflect on some of our history does make science. We are currently waiting for his GP to officially assess him for autism and a diagnosis but we have been waiting for nearly 4 weeks now. 

This is new ground for him and for me and I'm currently at a loss of what I can do to help. I have done my own reading and research and applied some of this to the way I handle things and talk with him ect and some of it does help a little bit there are days where it's almost like his back to the very bottom. 

I feel clueless and helpless.

He does have a phone call with a new therapist/counsellor next week who deals with talking therapy and also CBT and the likes. I'm hoping he will be ok till that call and that this call will help us get onto the right track.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Parents

  • It sounds like a very disorienting dilemma & so many things could be at the traumatic leading edge here. Considering the prospect of an autism diagnosis is the way the condition has sociological dimensions, perhaps there is a ready made context to be had in that respect. I'd doubt that this might be the only theme for consideration by far - however. From its standpoint it could be true to say that autistic people who live in & around built up areas, ( for instance ) seem to be experiencing greater amounts of intolerance by others at large. In recent times i have certainly detected that there is a increase in general public unrest, that seems to erupt to the surface at the least cause  in shops and so forth. Some staff in shops anbd other establishments have become aggressive in my area, so much so in my case that it has prompted me to begin looking at autistic I.D strategies closely. In speaking in this ay it may not seem to your good self that it could possibly link. Similarly you may receive more replies with separate ideas. But nevertheless if the conditions are that perhaps high functioning autism (HFA) is rushing up as a reality, then it is just as possible that some intense negative experiences may have taken place in public  or have built up over a longer time span unnoticed. Difficulty in social matters is already a central theme for autistic individuals. I cannot vouch for every area of the country, but in mine its getting much harder to avoid conflict situations. Thus if a keynote of your partners being  is to be a recognition concerning autistic, then he might have been enduring some difficult issues in public over time & this could have eroded his self esteem. 

    Having offered this possibility it would not be a good idea to believe that this is the reason. Better to gather what you can & feel your way through it all until something emerges that makes sense. Try not to seem stressed even when you are. If there is one thing you can do that'll help it is to seem cool and somewhat detached ( from losing your own noodle over this ).

    And just maybe the above is at least a start with uncovering what is wrong. They way you worded it it feels like your partner is exasperated and in despair of something that has got beyond his reasoned understanding of the world - could be losing faith in humankind rather than himself ? We can if people will not refrain from insulting us.

    People do talk about topping themselves when a certain threshold is breached in that way. And if he is political maybe its time to have a rest. The rhetoric & neuro linguistic adaptation to reality that go on there are about the worst thing there is for this state of mind.

    I hope things settle.

Reply

  • It sounds like a very disorienting dilemma & so many things could be at the traumatic leading edge here. Considering the prospect of an autism diagnosis is the way the condition has sociological dimensions, perhaps there is a ready made context to be had in that respect. I'd doubt that this might be the only theme for consideration by far - however. From its standpoint it could be true to say that autistic people who live in & around built up areas, ( for instance ) seem to be experiencing greater amounts of intolerance by others at large. In recent times i have certainly detected that there is a increase in general public unrest, that seems to erupt to the surface at the least cause  in shops and so forth. Some staff in shops anbd other establishments have become aggressive in my area, so much so in my case that it has prompted me to begin looking at autistic I.D strategies closely. In speaking in this ay it may not seem to your good self that it could possibly link. Similarly you may receive more replies with separate ideas. But nevertheless if the conditions are that perhaps high functioning autism (HFA) is rushing up as a reality, then it is just as possible that some intense negative experiences may have taken place in public  or have built up over a longer time span unnoticed. Difficulty in social matters is already a central theme for autistic individuals. I cannot vouch for every area of the country, but in mine its getting much harder to avoid conflict situations. Thus if a keynote of your partners being  is to be a recognition concerning autistic, then he might have been enduring some difficult issues in public over time & this could have eroded his self esteem. 

    Having offered this possibility it would not be a good idea to believe that this is the reason. Better to gather what you can & feel your way through it all until something emerges that makes sense. Try not to seem stressed even when you are. If there is one thing you can do that'll help it is to seem cool and somewhat detached ( from losing your own noodle over this ).

    And just maybe the above is at least a start with uncovering what is wrong. They way you worded it it feels like your partner is exasperated and in despair of something that has got beyond his reasoned understanding of the world - could be losing faith in humankind rather than himself ? We can if people will not refrain from insulting us.

    People do talk about topping themselves when a certain threshold is breached in that way. And if he is political maybe its time to have a rest. The rhetoric & neuro linguistic adaptation to reality that go on there are about the worst thing there is for this state of mind.

    I hope things settle.

Children
  • in reply to Grubby

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

    What you are saying makes sense and it has definitely giving me some food for thought. 

    I agree that I think he has lost all hope in humanity, he has made comments of such but he also thinks very negatively of him self and assumes everyone else things negatively about him also. 

    I have been doing alot of reading and research about autism in adults and both autism and depression coexisting together. I'm pretty sure I've not even touched the tip of the iceberg... But I feel it's giving me a slight better understand of how I can handle things when they do go south.

    Im hoping that his appointment next week with the new therapy centre can asses what would be the best thing for him currently and also if he does get a diagnosis of autism that they can then alter and tweak things.

    Is hard to not feel helpless and like I am not doing enough when they are being closed off. But I also know he needs to feel what he is feeling and deal with it in his way also.