The pattern

From what i've seen here everyone has a self loathing element that comes par for the course with the condition including me. From there it may depend on how humiliated we still feel by life & what those coping mechanism are. Speaking on a time scale measured in decades, i certainly feel humiliated by the the way the difference caused by autism, manifested adverse reactions in public. I'm not so sure when it comes to social settings online that the distanced conditions explain ( for instance ) why i do not get much response either. In that sense i'd feel there are too many natural degrees of freedom ( in expression ) based on ordinary reasons as to why some group together more & exchange more. Certainly feelings of isolation cam be driven by long term experience that has hurt us & socially humiliated us. Perhaps this is where that can either cross over into us loathing ourselves or not in accordance to how much we might embrace human values - here particularly in the personal sense of valuing ourselves. Furthermore that self evaluation is best not linked to the last third of life so that we batter ourselves about age, and having been held back in life and so on. It is easy to feel that disadvantage did all that & will put us in our box with two fingers up at us & we best avoid that negative emotion ( even though it might in many ways ) So maybe the mirror images of ourselves needs to come back as an implicit self worth & not one lining to such wide variables in the explicit. Because if the outbound experience always has control of our emotions, the potentials for us to be less kind to ourselves with regulation issues is probably greatly enhanced. What after all would happen should be become highly popular suddenly  - would our self efficacy increase at the neurological level ?

Grubby said:

Furthermore that self evaluation is best not linked to the last third of life so that we batter ourselves about age, and having been held back in life and so on.

That's something I struggle with.

So do i even though i've no shallow level reason to on the surface. I.E i look young for 60 and am very fit, which doesn't really make up the conditions someone might feel defeated by. I think its more because my life had been such a mess by 25 that matters linked to mortality came into it, and they tend to linger. I'm no longer dogged by it with any intensity tbh, that went away long ago - i have a slight irony now but not much. Tentatively i would suggest that although the causation would be autism, the way out isn't. In fact one has to question all forms of adaptation in this respect, as it is probably true to say that the path toward feeling at peace with ourselves, lends itself, to a NT manner of thinking. That is a paradox obviously, and it would be a 'manner of thinking' since a NT style of reasoning would process autistically, leaving us to wonder if neurotypical thought forms convert to autistic ones. By i'm wavering from my point lightly. The sort of thought forms that deal with feelings of self worth and esteem tend to exist in Nt psychological literature. And what after all is CBT if it isn't an NT language of the mind ? I'm wavering again, but from a research perspective there is something interesting about attempting to adapt autistic people with NT tools. Unless that is, should a psychological state be separate from autism in its 'exiting modality' < i remark with a pinch of salt. Thus it could be true to say that whilst the way in to feeling profoundly disappointed with life was via autism, the way out might not be. As you can see i would question how well converted some treatments are when it comes to  their adaptation for autism. Some psychologist think they can do an initial probe & if we feel ok its case dismissed. Around the local authorities & certain say the psychologists working in & around schools tend to be LA trained. That type os psychologist is more of a box ticker that was fast tracked as a perk of the job. You only got to smile in front of these & they've decided the case will be closed. However - nature seems to design us so that we get a rite of passage not to care one wit concerning mortality when younger. Quite rightly so as what kind of youth is it with such a pointless burden ? If we get the pointless burden anyway, the temptation is to single ourselves out for special treatment - like i did - never being sure if the reason to exist was only to be punished. I would say it was tragic for me to have felt like that in my twenties. its sad for anyone of any age. But no matter what the cause, such feelings can never be representative of what being human means. And here i'd relate again to earlier points, we have to grasp that non autism based realisation, and we have to separate it also from later age. We cannot really lift ourselves out of a sense of defeat like this with the concept that our life was taylor made for us to be miserable. It wasn't - it is very difficult to unravel the meaning of human existence in order to decode why X and Y and Z in our life added up to A. But something we should not accept is that we are intrinsically less of a valuable human being, which can equate to there are no better ones. Again X YZ concerning success money and power ( so on ) are a kind of boundary condition, rather like the states where there is none of that. A lot of successful people do put it down to being superior yes. They are not better implicit human beings, all that sucess is an explicit state. And in many ways just going into these matters takes us of topic. But its about our dignity, and the true state that defines a good person or not, matters not actually entangled in 'sucess'. We need to retain that sense as the basic instinct, we cannot let the basic instinct be dictated to by explicit conditions. It isn't even true that there are better or worse humans, every demarcation by which that subjectivity exists is within social hierarchies. If we have accepted that out 'Lot' i.e what happened to us is the basic reality. Then we've accepted that we are not in one of the social hierarchies that promotes the concept that some people are better than others by implication. Having done that then we are not a comparative example of a human to measure ourselves by compared to such hierarchies. It leaves us to compare ourselves against what humans are without wealth & success. I found i had to realise that they are all exactly like me in that sense. 

So do i even though i've no shallow level reason to on the surface. I.E i look young for 60 and am very fit, which doesn't really make up the conditions someone might feel defeated by. I think its more because my life had been such a mess by 25 that matters linked to mortality came into it, and they tend to linger. I'm no longer dogged by it with any intensity tbh, that went away long ago - i have a slight irony now but not much. Tentatively i would suggest that although the causation would be autism, the way out isn't. In fact one has to question all forms of adaptation in this respect, as it is probably true to say that the path toward feeling at peace with ourselves, lends itself, to a NT manner of thinking. That is a paradox obviously, and it would be a 'manner of thinking' since a NT style of reasoning would process autistically, leaving us to wonder if neurotypical thought forms convert to autistic ones. By i'm wavering from my point lightly. The sort of thought forms that deal with feelings of self worth and esteem tend to exist in Nt psychological literature. And what after all is CBT if it isn't an NT language of the mind ? I'm wavering again, but from a research perspective there is something interesting about attempting to adapt autistic people with NT tools. Unless that is, should a psychological state be separate from autism in its 'exiting modality' < i remark with a pinch of salt. Thus it could be true to say that whilst the way in to feeling profoundly disappointed with life was via autism, the way out might not be. As you can see i would question how well converted some treatments are when it comes to  their adaptation for autism. Some psychologist think they can do an initial probe & if we feel ok its case dismissed. Around the local authorities & certain say the psychologists working in & around schools tend to be LA trained. That type os psychologist is more of a box ticker that was fast tracked as a perk of the job. You only got to smile in front of these & they've decided the case will be closed. However - nature seems to design us so that we get a rite of passage not to care one wit concerning mortality when younger. Quite rightly so as what kind of youth is it with such a pointless burden ? If we get the pointless burden anyway, the temptation is to single ourselves out for special treatment - like i did - never being sure if the reason to exist was only to be punished. I would say it was tragic for me to have felt like that in my twenties. its sad for anyone of any age. But no matter what the cause, such feelings can never be representative of what being human means. And here i'd relate again to earlier points, we have to grasp that non autism based realisation, and we have to separate it also from later age. We cannot really lift ourselves out of a sense of defeat like this with the concept that our life was taylor made for us to be miserable. It wasn't - it is very difficult to unravel the meaning of human existence in order to decode why X and Y and Z in our life added up to A. But something we should not accept is that we are intrinsically less of a valuable human being, which can equate to there are no better ones. Again X YZ concerning success money and power ( so on ) are a kind of boundary condition, rather like the states where there is none of that. A lot of successful people do put it down to being superior yes. They are not better implicit human beings, all that sucess is an explicit state. And in many ways just going into these matters takes us of topic. But its about our dignity, and the true state that defines a good person or not, matters not actually entangled in 'sucess'. We need to retain that sense as the basic instinct, we cannot let the basic instinct be dictated to by explicit conditions. It isn't even true that there are better or worse humans, every demarcation by which that subjectivity exists is within social hierarchies. If we have accepted that out 'Lot' i.e what happened to us is the basic reality. Then we've accepted that we are not in one of the social hierarchies that promotes the concept that some people are better than others by implication. Having done that then we are not a comparative example of a human to measure ourselves by compared to such hierarchies. It leaves us to compare ourselves against what humans are without wealth & success. I found i had to realise that they are all exactly like me in that sense.