Published on 12, July, 2020
My wife complains that I don't listen to her until things get so bad that she shouts and/or cries.
I know I can listen, and listen well. I used to be a listening volunteer for the Samaritans, and had no issues listening then. As far as I can tell, the difference is that at Samaritans, I'd put myself in "listening mode" before picking up the phone. We always let it ring a few times before picking up, and we'd use that time to prepare ourselves.
It seems that if I don't consciously get myself ready to listen, I don't really listen, which causes problems.
I've only recently realised that I'm autistic. I've seen advice about helping autistic people do things, but they all seem to revolve around writing down instructions and putting them where they'll be seen at the relevant time. But I can't know in advance when I'll need to properly listen, so that doesn't seem very helpful.
Does anyone have any advice or ideas?
Perhaps you can't hear what she means to communicate but fails to say? Or perhaps you don't pick up on her facial expressions, body language or tone of voice. Maybe she says 'Don't get me anything for my birthday' then gets upset if you take her literally.
Hearing what is unsaid is difficult.
No, it's not that. It's not unsaid things, it's that I don't fully take in things that are explicitly said.