Worrying about being a failure

Hello all,

It’s been a long time since I last posted here. 

I’ve had these particular thoughts for a while now but I really have found they’ve gotten worse and more intense as of recently. The thoughts in question, as the title of the thread states, I worry that I am a failure and will never amount to anything. I worry I will never be able to get a job and I will live a dead-end life for as long as I live. 

For some context, I am in my mid-twenties and have a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, as well as mental health issues in the form of OCD, trauma and general anxiety. I am studying a distance learning course with a university over the internet and have been for the past few years. I was not able to go to a conventional brick and mortar university due to my autism and mental health issues. Furthermore, when I was 18 and finished sixth form college I was a complete emotional, anxious wreck who could barely function properly thanks to the relentless bullying and abuse I faced at the hands of other students when I was in school and indeed sixth form college. As such, I was put on disability benefits for that very reason and have remained on them since. 

I’ve become extremely self-conscious of the fact that I haven’t had any form of paid employment at all, even though I’m in my mid twenties. I have been engaged in several voluntary jobs over the course of time since I finished sixth form college, one of which I am still doing at this time. However a perennial worry is that I will be unemployable and won’t ever get a job. I should note as well I have been working with an employment specialist too, so that I may find some permitted work I can do whilst I am still on benefits. As such, I have been to a few job interviews but was unable to get the jobs in question, despite otherwise positive feedback. 

I want to know if anyone else is in or has been in similar positions, and if they have any advice for me?

Thank you for reading. 

Parents
  • Yep, that's been me. Guess what?

    am a failure! (In some areas. and it turns out quite the winner in others)

    LIfe is like a hand of cards in a thinky serious sort of game like Bridge rather than snap or pontoon, as the neurotypicals seem to play their life games. you have strengths and weaknesses just like you get good and rubbish cards in a bridge hand. 

    Learn how to play your skills and characteristics in the right order and you'll either play a good game and win that way or you'll actually win the game. If you get my drift....

    I didn't hit may of the conventional success milestones, and the societal programming made me feel really, really *** about that for years, until I realised that I had lead a bloody interesting and rewarding life, all the time whilst feeling myself to be a failure... Now I get to relive some of those moments for a completely different perspective (Older and wiser) and some of that stuff I now realise I never was going to win, but boy, did I try! And it created interesting memories, and the breadth of my experience is definitely wider than most NT's admit to, so IT AIN'T ALL BAD NEWS, this Autismo stuff. 

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