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Worrying about being a failure

Myrmeleon

Hello all,

It’s been a long time since I last posted here. 

I’ve had these particular thoughts for a while now but I really have found they’ve gotten worse and more intense as of recently. The thoughts in question, as the title of the thread states, I worry that I am a failure and will never amount to anything. I worry I will never be able to get a job and I will live a dead-end life for as long as I live. 

For some context, I am in my mid-twenties and have a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, as well as mental health issues in the form of OCD, trauma and general anxiety. I am studying a distance learning course with a university over the internet and have been for the past few years. I was not able to go to a conventional brick and mortar university due to my autism and mental health issues. Furthermore, when I was 18 and finished sixth form college I was a complete emotional, anxious wreck who could barely function properly thanks to the relentless bullying and abuse I faced at the hands of other students when I was in school and indeed sixth form college. As such, I was put on disability benefits for that very reason and have remained on them since. 

I’ve become extremely self-conscious of the fact that I haven’t had any form of paid employment at all, even though I’m in my mid twenties. I have been engaged in several voluntary jobs over the course of time since I finished sixth form college, one of which I am still doing at this time. However a perennial worry is that I will be unemployable and won’t ever get a job. I should note as well I have been working with an employment specialist too, so that I may find some permitted work I can do whilst I am still on benefits. As such, I have been to a few job interviews but was unable to get the jobs in question, despite otherwise positive feedback. 

I want to know if anyone else is in or has been in similar positions, and if they have any advice for me?

Thank you for reading. 

Parents

  • Hi Myrmeleon,

    First of all know that you’re not a failure, I’m in my 30 and don’t have a job, that doesn’t make me a failure.

    Try and see through the political ideology that success and healthy development is all about self sufficiency, most of pathology has no valid scientific basis as it’s a social science diluted in a natural science due to the concept of “normal”. Don’t compare your life to the lives of others.

    Remember the things that you have achieved.

  • in reply to Daniel

    Hello Daniel, 

    Thank you for the reply. I appreciate your reassurance. It is very true that (without delving into a territory that is too political) there does seem to be an imperative presented by society that you must be self sufficient and earn lots of money and possess material wealth to be “successful” or “normal”. I really do try to remember that this is ultimately baseless, as I have been aware of this kind of capitalist ideology for a long time.

    I do find that thanks to my past trauma from being abused in school at the hands of the degenerate idiots I was forced to be with in my classes that I struggle to see alternatives to that point of view. This is because, one way or another, seemingly many of these utter demons I had to be in school with have seemingly comfortable lives and good jobs since school finished for those people and myself those years ago.

    Because of my trauma, this angers me immensely, as I actually paid attention in my classes and achieved good grades (well, until my last year of sixth form college; that was when years of this abuse and torment started to genuinely weigh on me) while these idiots were loud and obnoxious and only cared about getting into the underwear of the nearest person of the opposite sex and constantly abused me for being “weird” and liking “stupid” things that weren’t sports and explicit tv shows that they were too young to be watching at the time.

    I realise I have digressed quite significantly but hopefully that provides a bit more context for why I feel the way I do and feel so much pressure to be “successful”. 

    If you read all of the above, thank you for doing so and I apologise for rambling.

Reply
  • in reply to Daniel

    Hello Daniel, 

    Thank you for the reply. I appreciate your reassurance. It is very true that (without delving into a territory that is too political) there does seem to be an imperative presented by society that you must be self sufficient and earn lots of money and possess material wealth to be “successful” or “normal”. I really do try to remember that this is ultimately baseless, as I have been aware of this kind of capitalist ideology for a long time.

    I do find that thanks to my past trauma from being abused in school at the hands of the degenerate idiots I was forced to be with in my classes that I struggle to see alternatives to that point of view. This is because, one way or another, seemingly many of these utter demons I had to be in school with have seemingly comfortable lives and good jobs since school finished for those people and myself those years ago.

    Because of my trauma, this angers me immensely, as I actually paid attention in my classes and achieved good grades (well, until my last year of sixth form college; that was when years of this abuse and torment started to genuinely weigh on me) while these idiots were loud and obnoxious and only cared about getting into the underwear of the nearest person of the opposite sex and constantly abused me for being “weird” and liking “stupid” things that weren’t sports and explicit tv shows that they were too young to be watching at the time.

    I realise I have digressed quite significantly but hopefully that provides a bit more context for why I feel the way I do and feel so much pressure to be “successful”. 

    If you read all of the above, thank you for doing so and I apologise for rambling.

Children
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