Looking for advice

Often it is not us that has the complications, but the complex sociological order which we are trying to be comfortable in. We certainly each have our inner conflict as individuals & thats human nature. But so does the group consciousness as a whole, the very thing that expects we regard it as one of the lead voices to our heads. However the guidance of the establishment and so on has a lot to answer for quite to the contrary. Even when we place aside all concepts of diversity, democracy, difference of opinion, culture, linguistics pressures us. It insists that it has digested the peoples democracy and is coherent. Now the manipulation potential of the mass, is not much different from that in a one to one coercive control circumstance, (but best leave that aside otherwise we'll end up somewhere completely different). So assuming ( under duress ) that the central mass voice of society is natural - it hasn't got a clue what its on about in this 'for the good of all context' it uses. In fact its entirely off it trolley in that respect. This 'entity', this speaker of the whole message to us, has extreme existential style & inner conflict dilemmas of its own. This state in many ways is what any of us compare ourselves to as a personal perspective. Yet very often the big messenger is not just a village idiot, but is continental sized.. To make matters worse though paraconsistently better,  there are many golden threads of truth among it all, rich veins of goodness throughout the stratum at random points in its media so as to speak. These outbreaks of  proper sense and the will to do right are coming also from segments of the elite, the affluent, the government, and say the police & social services et al as well as other ordinary people. And in that way we can know that we do not slave entirely under postmodernist misanthropy. The 'mass' delivery of information disallows us from knowing what or who formulates it in any case. But there are great people at all levels of society. All well and good that - a high proportion of the the central message to the masses is still as mad as a hatter with conflict. There is supposed to be a societal norm but its an adnorm, with occasional layers of mass intelligence. The will to do the right thing is still abundant among authorities. But many do not, & that unwelt of entanglement is an entirely separate kettle of fish to personal feelings such as alexithymia - i mean i'm saying presumably & by reasonably hypothesis. There needs to be a meaningful abstraction so that we can deal with our specific conflict, not these artificial societal dishes of it that masquerade as personal problems & can be manipulated to be aimed ad hominem at autistic people.

Personally i'm not keen on the term neurodiversity. It tends to be open to manipulation to the degree that the disorienting dilemma of autism can be explained in ways that infer that autistic people are disordered in a way they are not. Much of what is considered among autistic traits, is actually the distaste autistic people have for societies tendency to be disordered in itself. I do not wish to be complex, but much of this stems from post structuralism in philosophy, deconstruction & postmedernism. Those movements are very much part of the social strategy today & they seek to restate reality by removing Logos. In that way the post structuralists can bypass any obstacle by considering contraction & paradox not to exist. In that sense 'right' & 'wrong' are not a binary coupling that that places any barriers before us. Thus to post structuralists/modernists they are parameters to be ignore on the way to an art of the possible where logic has nothing to do with anything - its what you can make happen that counts to these people. Recents examples of this include various queer politics where gender is based on personal declaration. With is perfect = make that choice it is yours = its Freewill change sex or be fluid no problem. But in that case the very biological reality has been decoupled also, and that is a problem that turns society on its head. The biological debunking part of the process was done via words that come from Essentialism which is a branch of metaphysics. My point then wasn't to add all these term & complexities - it was to land on the way metaphysics is largely used to create societal definitions today.

How is the average person supposed to know what  'society' is talking about when nothing factual is nailed down anymore being by nature metaphysical constructs rather than true social contracts.

In other words be good to yourself & consider the way society ran away from you as well. It will be tricky since autistic people need to walk the trapeze wire in trying to regulate ourselves from running away & isolating already, let alone actual real societal reasons., In fact it seems that more and more NT people are feeling the need to duck out. But these words are not meant to advocate more of the same. However it might remain that our 'neurodiversity' usually causes us to find our way out of the cognitive maze using actual bone fide sense & a better sort of sense of sense at that. Collectively autistic people tend not to like the sociological gibberish that exists. I prefer neuroexistential, this isn't a perfect term in neurological sense, but its not so open to blaming the autistic for societies own struggle with reality. I.E diversity & the over production of mental phenomena in high functioning autism is not open to debate with self perpetuated logical fallacy via exstentialism very easily.

Possible much inner conflict that is felt by autistic people is linked to meeting unreasonable expectation in society. Autistic people often formulate personal matters perfectly well, only for this to be met the reality markers in society do not. This compounded by the way the autistic person does have actual impairments. Somehow the way forward is to eliminate conflict taken as personal, that is actually societal, without enhancing existing feelings of isolation. That can take some effort & does bring with it some learning complexity. Though i'd feel that the outcomes could lead to far more straightforward personal circumstance if all goes well ?

If it is not worth it to an individual, or is too much, then perhaps it is best to disregard the suggestions in this post. In many ways we are only looking for peace of mind, and enhanced levels of enquiry only work for some in that respect.

There is a peaceful feeling in your words, but i hope you get more peace on the matters you so beautifully described.

Dear Fireflies, 

please don't worry about not being able to form visual pictures in your head. No-one can know what is truly going on inside someone else's mind.  If you and I both see something like a green meadow at the same time and we both have an experience we call 'green', what  we are actually experiencing in our separate minds which we both think of as 'greenness' might be different and it really doesn't matter.  The main thing is to value yourself and be calm.  I am an 'aural'/'oral' person and relate better to sound than visual input and don't make visual pictures in my head either, except when I am asleep and sometimes have visual dreams.   Some of the cleverest people in the world have ASD so that can be a cause of pride not shame and never forget that. You are obviously good at writing and will have a wonderful life once you learn to value yourself and worry less about what other people think about you.  This happens as you get older anyway. Lots of people have social anxiety now too, particularly among young people.  This is part of the 'new normal ' but it will also gradually get better. Instead of worrying about yourself, think about how you can help others who are in so much worse situations.  These people will always want to be your friends. 

thank you for your response, I very much appreciate it. I struggle to identify any particular feelings - I can guess sometimes but I'm not actually feeling anything, unless it's particularly intense. If I get upset, it happens almost without warning, etc.

I also can't make friends, and most/all of mine are situations where they became friends with me, or the friendship evolved from online contact.

I also think I've got alexithymia.  I've never had it "officially" diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but my therapist pointed that I couldn't understand or express my emotions before I knew it was a "real" thing with a name.  I don't really have any advice, but I've found that writing about what I'm feeling can help.  I blog about my feelings, which helps me to process and understand them.  Sometimes I've had useful comments from readers too.