The school PTA / building relationships

Even the fact that you've related this experience will probably help someone out there in some way. I've been on this board many years, but have hardly used it & so i just default to being a new poster in reality, so don't let that hold you back. Sounds like you are the new guy in what is a notoriously clique based activity & plenty of coronation street is happening even before ASD enters the equation. Society can be very tribal these days, and groups tend to have a social ontology that acts like a kind of password mechanism concerning worthiness. The thing is it seems to happen quite without any formal design, and so a collective can have no idea they are doing it. What i'm saying is that the NT once they merge in group consciousness can be as mad as a box of frogs, and if so might function far better one to one. At least the ASD will discuss the world in groups with a coherent way, even when ( quite paraconsistently ) are speaking of their incoherence with regard to NT people. One can know a cognitive matter gives impairment, but be perfectly good at talking about it and everything else. However to safeguard here against any sweeping generalisation, NT on the whole are perfectly rational when not involved in ontology Thats the same as saying that ASD people tend not to cling for grim death to social agenda = the probably the most common obstacles between NT & ASD. And possibly they think you do not respect what there social agenda is, even though they formally do not know what it is themselves. And that might mean a new one needs to be reset either with you in or out. Any fool can strop off to cause someone embarrassment only to walk back in after they've caused you to leave. A reset with you in means something happens so they respect you. Without - they've found out they can control people. If that were the case, how low level an incidence such would be only you know with regard to how it would matter to you. If you care about a healthy PTA & being in what do they need to do in order to reset the matter ? Whenever we join an existing group we'll never know if something we've said, that seems the right & logical thing to do in X instance - is something they've agreed never to do. If that were the case it should not matter, and the welcome mat should roll out just the same. You'd only be the latest segment of the democracy right ? A a PTA is not always one of those.

Thanks so much for your reply and raising a smile! 

It's a fair point about telling them. It's not exactly reasonable for me to expect people to make allowances when they don't know what I'm going through. I'm still at a stage where every disclosure feels like a big deal (in no small part because without a diagnosis I feel like a fraud!

Have you told any of them you are waiting for assessment? I understand that may feel like a private thing but a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand what autism is, they won’t think “oh this person is doing x,y,z maybe they’re autistic so I’ll cut them some slack” “ they’ll go “omg this person is doing x,y,z what a tw&t” If you do set up a social event would you be able to do it in a way that it won’t look strange for your wife to come with you if she’s very quickly realising what annoys them? At the end of the day though if they want to still have a PTA then someone will have to step up if you do quit. Is there anyone on the school side of the PTA you can talk to?