Recent diagnosis and depression

That must be so hard for you both - I’m really sorry x

The lack of motivation and energy is so typical of depression. The personal hygiene thing can also be depression related, but I think that some autistic people are not always very focussed on hygiene etc. My youngest son just doesn’t think about washing etc so I always have to remind him - often several times before he will clean his teeth etc. He just doesn’t seem to think about it. 

My heart goes out to your daughter - it sounds like she isn’t enjoying life at all. Does she have any friends - or other family members she is close to? The fact that she will cry on your shoulder shows that she trusts you, and gets comfort from your presence, which is wonderful. It shows that she knows you are there for her - which is crucial. 

My son has had depression and ocd - it’s heartbreaking to see your child so unhappy isn’t it? But please know that she can get better - depression can be treated, and she will improve I’m sure. 

Do take close care of her when she starts the anti-depressant. Some people find that when they first start taking them the side effects can be severe. There can be an increase in suicide risk when people start taking SSRIs. Years ago I tried an anti-depressants and they made me feel suicidal in a way that was extremely scary. I couldn’t continue with them because of this, My eldest was on an anti-depressant last year for some months - he found the first two weeks very difficult, then he got some benefit for a few months, then decided to come off them - and coming off them was as difficult as going on them in terms of side effects being quite extreme. So make sure there is someone with your daughter in the first few days to make sure she is safe. 

What’s positive is that you are there for her and trying to help. Your presence and love and care is vital. 
sending you both lots of love - you’ll both get through this difficult time to a happier time when this is just a memory x 

Thank you so much for your reply. It is a learning curve for us all and I will try and take it slowly and not tell her what she should try but try to tackle it from the side. The eating issue will continue for a while I think but I will be patient and try to encourage her bit by bit. 

There is actually quite a lot here, so apologies for answering in bits. I'm still awaiting an ASD diagnosis,  but I do have ADHD as well as Depression and Anxiety so I think I may be able to offer you some of what I've learned for my own needs. Firstly, I think your daughter will continue to push you away if you keep making suggestions to her. It's difficult to explain why, but I always hated when people made suggestions like 'make some time and cook a healthy meal'. It's a very simple solution and it sounds easy and obvious, but Depression makes you feel like gravity is just pulling you down. Everything feels like an effort and it's incredibly frustrating because you know in yourself that you should be able to just get on and do it, which makes it even worse. On top of that, issues with executive function make it difficult to plan, so it becomes incredibly overwhelming and you end up giving up and reaching for a quick and easy solution just to get by, like junkfood.  I always found that the best way was little goals. If she would rather not reheat a meal, but doesn't have energy, how about going at it sideways. Say you are preparing a meal, something simple like a stir-fry. Would she like you to chop up some extra food so she just needs to throw it in a pan later? Some meals like chili are way better if reheated so perhaps batch cook a chilli and freeze in single portions? There is supposedly a summer out there, so some chopped fruit and veg that can easily be picked up, right at the front of the fridge is always a good option. Does she do anything in bed? Perhaps she can read something or do something with her hands like knitting or sewing? 

She is probably also feeling very overwhelmed and very much like she doesn't know who she is anymore so it may be good to have chats at her own pace about what she is figuring out about her diagnosis, what makes things easier, what makes them more difficult. Sometimes she won't want to talk at all. She shouldn't feel like she has to. I'm not a very social person as I deal with people all day (I'm a receptionist) so when I'm not working, I need some alone time to recover and regroup.  Personal hygiene is probably something I can't help you with here as I can't stand the feel mess on my skin so have a shower before I leave the house each day,  as well as three times a week to wash my hair. But with my room, I find that again, it's a question of little and often. As well as tackling things from the side rather than head on. 'I'm doing a load of washing, do you have anything to go in? I've got a bag of rubbish, do you want to add to it before I throw it out?' If she has the chance to make the decision for herself, the worst she can do is say no. But it is less likely to put her on the defensive.  It has helped me throughout the years and has made it easier to function.  Having a routine and agreed upon jobs can also help. For example, I live with my folks and my job each week is to hoover. I also wash my own dishes and tidy after myself. My room is my own space but the rest of the house is for everyone. Saturday is hoovering day, I can only do it when my family is out but it sets me up for the rest of my weekend as once completed, I have the satisfaction of knowing the task is complete, as well as a bit of head space that makes me feel like I can finally move onto the next task. Sorry this has become a bit longwinded. I've partially emptied out my brain. Hopefully anything there is useful. If she has an answer for everything as you say, change the nature of the question. Finally, I didn't get on with Sertraline, it made me feel like a zombie. It will hopefully be different for her but drugs she shouldn't feel afraid to ask for something different if she doesn't get the best out of them. Also,  drugs alone are not the answer. Pair it with counselling, meditation (even guided meditation s on YouTube can be excellent) and having physical activity and hobbies. She needs to discover that for herself, but always take the little bit here and there as well as not the direct approach but working from the side. She needs to discover it on her own, and she won't if she feels forced. All the best.