• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 607 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

People are so mean

NAS79795

I am sometimes better at masking, and sometimes worse. On the days where I am worse, I notice people are a lot more hostile. Today, someone posted on Facebook asking peoples opinions on vaccines. I’m a pre med student so medicine is one of my passions and hyper fixations. I posted a longer reply and it turned out that person was anti vax and didn’t like my opinion. They told me to calm down, that I’m silly, to “stop yelling” even though I didn’t use all caps, and I also got told I’m immature. I genuinely just tried to give my opinion and some information and facts, but I got completely misinterpreted. I guess it may have been rude saying that if you don’t know what RNA is you shouldn’t pretend to know how RNA vaccines work. I know I should have expected some hostility, but I thought it would be more debate-like instead of personal attacks. I posted about it on my personal page because I initially thought it was funny that someone asked for opinions and got mad that I gave mine, and once again, I was told to calm down and that I am silly. All this made me go into defense mode and I started being mean back, which I really regret now. I wasn’t even upset until those people told me that I was. I feel like I can’t express my passions or give my opinions without being “too much”. I’m so damn tired of being told I’m too much and that I need to calm down when I’m calm. If anyone wants to reply, please no vaccine discourse, I respect your bodily autonomy to get them or not and I don’t have emotional energy for that anymore today, and please be nice because people have been mean to me a lot this week and I’m feeling sensitive. I just want some compassion from other people with autism that have similar struggles. I feel like I need to stop talking about my passions and opinions in order to mask better. Edit: heads up, I usually get too anxious to respond on here.

Parents

  • I've had this happen before on Facebook (completely unrelated, on a Game of Thrones fan page, but they asked for people's opinions on something, and I wrote a mini-essay, fact-checking stuff and backing my thoughts up with evidence and quotes from the series, as it was also my hyperfixation at the time). I was told to 'calm down,' followed by a lot of jeering and swearing, and I felt like people hadn't even read my post, but had just reacted to it emotionally. I replied something like "I am calm, why aren't you?" - asking a genuine question, as I was confused, and wanted to know why I'd upset them. But of course that kicked an argument off. In the end, it was just frustrating, that everything I wrote, in my head, sounded logical and unemotional, but they had added emotion to it, which made it sound somehow passive-aggressive, or like I was trying to show off with my 'superior knowledge,' and prove them wrong, which wasn't the case at all. I was just answering the question. Either people don't like that, or they see it as a competitive invitation.. Either some people are just mean, like you say, or it might be NTs can sometimes react defensively to NDs 'info dumping,' as they get overwhelmed by facts, when they just wanted something like "I agree because I've had a positive experience" or "I don't agree, it sucks." When they say the word "opinion," maybe they're just looking for simple, impulsive reactions, rather than an in-depth discussion? But it's hard to tell. Because there are the rare occasions people might appreciate a fuller reply. Do we need to start asking "would you like a long answer or a short one?" Or adding notes to the end of our posts, saying something like "I am autistic and this happens to be a special interest and something I have studied extensively, but I mean no offence and respect alternative viewpoints?" I'm not sure. Facebook can be rife for argumentative types, but also it could just be down to miscommunication due to it being difficult to read the intended emotion from writing.. We shouldn't have to hide our true thoughts, but maybe it's just seeking clarity as to what people are looking for, and whether they'd appreciate what we have to offer or not? It's a shame to waste your time, energy, and expertise, trying to explain something to people who don't want to listen. Otherwise, if I feel I must reply, I've got into the habit of sending my post and not checking back / switching off notifications. I've said my piece, it's up to others how they want to interpret it.  

Reply

  • I've had this happen before on Facebook (completely unrelated, on a Game of Thrones fan page, but they asked for people's opinions on something, and I wrote a mini-essay, fact-checking stuff and backing my thoughts up with evidence and quotes from the series, as it was also my hyperfixation at the time). I was told to 'calm down,' followed by a lot of jeering and swearing, and I felt like people hadn't even read my post, but had just reacted to it emotionally. I replied something like "I am calm, why aren't you?" - asking a genuine question, as I was confused, and wanted to know why I'd upset them. But of course that kicked an argument off. In the end, it was just frustrating, that everything I wrote, in my head, sounded logical and unemotional, but they had added emotion to it, which made it sound somehow passive-aggressive, or like I was trying to show off with my 'superior knowledge,' and prove them wrong, which wasn't the case at all. I was just answering the question. Either people don't like that, or they see it as a competitive invitation.. Either some people are just mean, like you say, or it might be NTs can sometimes react defensively to NDs 'info dumping,' as they get overwhelmed by facts, when they just wanted something like "I agree because I've had a positive experience" or "I don't agree, it sucks." When they say the word "opinion," maybe they're just looking for simple, impulsive reactions, rather than an in-depth discussion? But it's hard to tell. Because there are the rare occasions people might appreciate a fuller reply. Do we need to start asking "would you like a long answer or a short one?" Or adding notes to the end of our posts, saying something like "I am autistic and this happens to be a special interest and something I have studied extensively, but I mean no offence and respect alternative viewpoints?" I'm not sure. Facebook can be rife for argumentative types, but also it could just be down to miscommunication due to it being difficult to read the intended emotion from writing.. We shouldn't have to hide our true thoughts, but maybe it's just seeking clarity as to what people are looking for, and whether they'd appreciate what we have to offer or not? It's a shame to waste your time, energy, and expertise, trying to explain something to people who don't want to listen. Otherwise, if I feel I must reply, I've got into the habit of sending my post and not checking back / switching off notifications. I've said my piece, it's up to others how they want to interpret it.  

Children
No Data