Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed with autism at 41 years old, just over 2 years ago and just before I had my son as a first time mum. The diagnosis has been very positive and a huge help in a lifetime of struggle. However having my son and covid has meant I have only more recently started to have headspace to try and process the diagnosis and find better strategies
There is loads I could talk about here but one of the hardest things for me is being a parent and I'm really interested to hear fro other parents with high functioning autism or aspergers on how you feel and manage
For me caring for another person who is so dependent on me is so hard. I love my son and I know I am a good parent to him but it takes everything out of me to put his needs first when really I only want to think about myself. I am constantly exhausted and think about about what my life was like when I didn't have this responsibility. Granted many parents feel this way but it's definitely worse because of my autism. My partner shares the same parenting fatigue but not the feelings about being oppressed and put upon and I have become depressed
What do other people do to cope?
I was diagnosed recently at 46. I have two "children", although my eldest was 22 and my youngest 9, when I found out. I was always aware that I parented like a robot! Going through the motions, doing the right thing, saying the right thing, offering advice and words of encouragement. Even saying how proud I was at trivial achievements and saying "I love you" when it seemed appropriate. I lived alone for four out of the first 6 years of her life, and assumed some of it was because I felt in competition with her mother.
However, it all came from an intellectual place, not from feelings. I acted very much on instinct. Things I'd seen friends parents do, watched on TV etc. At the time I put this down to the fact my own parents were so useless and I therefore had no natural role model, and I guess part of that is still true. Now though, with my second, I still follow that behaviour. Copying and mimicking her Mum (my partner) and very much fudging my way through. It's like extreme masking.
Interestingly, my therapist at the time I was diagnosed said it was fine to act the way I did. Suggesting, that throughout life we all use the tools with have to help us and get us through various situations. My eldest, now nearly 24, is happy, settled and lives with her boyfriend. So on the face of it it seems I did a good job.